Lately I've lost my tongueToday you found my song
Unknown our love, has grown
And I thank god you came along

You are the one one I've been waiting for today
And here comes the sun, it's been baiting 'morn today

You looked right through me, there was no one else
I sat beside you and became myself, today
Today


And this is how I feel deep down inside. It's weird, that I wish for something to happen so that I know what I feel is real. why do i like you so much?

I had the best night. It has been a long time since I felt so liberated, so free, so relaxed. I could never talk to another person that way, and I've been needing some release. Thanks, Jesus. Honestly, I'm glad we talked, 6 hours plus, no matter what the topic was. It was good to be real, truthful and actually put myself out there and be able to trust people like how I did you. You're definitely a friend for keeps (: Thanks for letting me be me, for not judging, for reciprocating.

I think I have some some serious trust issues, and well, I don't really think I have any balls. I should slap my own face. *Slap* Already done. HAHA. Anyways really. I think I'm more talk - I'd never go up to him and tell him how I feel. Yes, same guy in July. Shoot me. I know I said I'd get over bbbut... I guess. Sigh. Come jans, rationalise...

What's so great about him?

Nothing, and everything. Well honestly, he's normal. And I don't like him for some grand gesture he did, or what. I just like him for him. Its not that he's the NICEST guy in the world, cos seriously, I can find nicer, lol. And its not cos of any particular reason. It's just.. him. He's funny and a great conversationalist and he makes my heart flutter. Yeah, cool ah. But the shitty part? These will just remain words on this page, literally. I have no guts to say anything to him, and sometimes I think, it's partly due to the fact that I don't want to ruin what we have, whatever that is. And knowing him, he's not looking for anything right now.

(PS. If you're wondering, like any other normal person why I can say these things here, not worried he would ponder..well he's awesomely dense, and I don't think he knows my blog. Yeah. And really dense. Like a banner could fly and he wouldn't realise. HAHAHA okay i kid i kid.)

Actually, and this is the reasoned logical Jans talking, I think hormones aren't helping. And that well, I think its possible I'm infatuated. I mean look at madrasah boy. I got him and boom I screwed it all up. So theoretically, I guess I'm just... guilty of being dreamy.

(Word vomit, but I don't care. I created this space anyways.)

Sigh, fuck I don't know what I want also.
All I know is that though sometimes it hurts, this feeling is lovely and well, very fun.

Labels: Life as it happens, One Last Song, Reveries

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