Fuck.

there isn't any time. really.
and everything's everywhere.

I have at most 41 hours left before I have to show my face back at school and yes to be honest, I know where I stand right now would most likely leave me at the bottom of my class and yes I know I deserve it..

but still, I'm scared.

Fml, that's all I've gotta say.

Fuck my life.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries, School

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That's all I keep thinking about these days. I kept reading through my archives, and also read the archives of the 08S26 class blog I used to maintain with other friends. Thinking about what was, really sets you thinking about what could be. How lives change so quickly, or how I feel like I'm stuck in a time warp.

My bestest best friend got accepted to a university that I myself was dreaming about applying to. I am not only so proud and happy for her, but I am also envious of her. Lest for certain glitches in her way, she's practically all set to go about the next phase of her life - the journey that we talk about all the time. I can't help but feel envious of those around me, the ones all gearing up for university life, travelling places, taking up new adventures. Soon it'll be my turn, but for now, I feel as if I've lost the fire.

Does this happen to everyone? Like I lost some steam, some of my drive is lost in the void of nothingness. I mean, I can safely say that I could probably end up flunking most of my papers, because I really have not studied much, if not, at all. I mean it's not something that I am proud or boastful of, but fact is fact. I don't know why or how it is that I've lost my drive - it all doesn't make much sense. I mean, I'm probably partly distracted and at the same time, I just can't remember why I am doing all this. It's not right, because I have no time to waste as I come closer to my A Levels.

I have to stop living in the past, in my bubble, and remember what my priorities are. I've waited so long for my time, for my turn. I cannot afford to lose it all just because I've hit some sort of a crisis.

Come on Cheang, don't give up now.

I value my past, my experiences, but it's time I set the sail due north. Forward is the only way to go!

Labels: Reveries

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When things get a little depressing, it always helps to listen to some good ole' french song....

Labels: One Last Song

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Volatile. This is truly a testament to what I am. I cannot fathom a sense of stability in my life, though undoubtedly, I do yearn for it. Le sigh. See, it's not that there isn't things in my life that I am happy of. I think it is just me - I am just ungrateful and incapable of being satisfied with what I hold in my hands right now. So much has happened, so much has changed. I am not the same person that I was this time last year. Last year, this girl was determined to prove to others that she hadn't made the wrong decision of retaining. This girl was more interested in creating a balance between having a life, and maintaining her grades. This girl knew what it meant to be consistent, to pay attention and to not give up. But I am not this girl anymore, and it scares me. As if, somewhere amidst all the drama, the whirlwind of emotions and whathaveyous, this girl got lost. And it scares me, because now more than ever do I need this girl to rise. It's not easy.

I just lost her, *poof* and she disappeared. Trying to have her rise again, it really is harder than anything else that I've done.

Status quo has changed, yet again. Though this time, I'm left with an emptiness inside me, if and when he isn't around. And as if I am purposely trying to make matters worst, I cannot help but want more - is it selfish of me to want more out of whatever we are now? I tell myself what we are is just perfect right now, but I wonder how long this illusion will last for. It shouldn't matter, and yet it does. It always does, no matter how much you tell yourself it doesn't, it does.

C'est La Vie.

One moment everything's seamlessly perfect, and the next you crumble.

Labels: Reveries

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I am in a good place in my life right now. Well, my studies could be a little better, but nevertheless, I'm in a happy state of mind. Well, I guess when the matters of the heart are finally in place, things just seem to feel a lot better, a lot lighter. I mean, yes, somewhat still confused, but happy nonetheless. And after all, happiness is key.

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much- ironically when there's too much going on in my mind, I tend to give up on blogging and just retract into my own bubble. But life's good, and that's all I'll say. For now.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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