Red Hot Chili Peppers - By The Way

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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Alanis Morisette's "Uninvited"

Labels: Life as it happens

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Today was filled with traveling. I realise that this country really isn't that big, BUT it never ceases to amaze me. There's always something that I haven't seen, someplace that I've never been. It's quite fun actually. I guess, if I've yet to figure out every nook and cranny of my own country, I should, before I begin exploring the countries' of others.

I spent today with Firqin. I enjoyed my day whole-heartedly. We chatted and laughed and had Wendy's (at Holland Village), basically spending many hours just seated there and talking. So nice to just have a friend, and just be. Best part of course was the fact that we were far off from anywhere too crowded or noisy. So it was just fun :)

i really enjoyed today sumartono. heheh. and all the things we shared. especially about our mothers. <3 <3 <3

Anyways, wow. Just got my period today. Okay tmi I know but it explains all the negativity festering in my soul. Like, wow, I've been in this bubble (or still am) of like angst these past few days. It's really hard to be carefree and happy when all you wanna do is watch sob stories and cry, when all you can see is the thunder and the grey skies. When all you can think about is about how much better off other people are, ET CETERA. IT IS SO HORRIBLE, I REALLY CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS CLOUD TO PAST.

Alright, I've said my piece.

p.s. Today (that being the first of december) marks 183 days together, not killing each other. yet. hahahah.

love.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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I honestly feel like the huge load on my shoulder (at the back of my mind, what have you) has been lifted. A Levels, was not an easy feat. By far, in my 19 years of life, one of the hardest things that I've ever had to go through. Really. I mean, psychologically, physically, everything. I've gone through my fair share of tough things in life, so... hmm. I'm really glad it's over. At some point I went crying to my father, thinking that I won't be able to get through it. Another time, I lost my soul into a really dark place, I had my "what's the whole point?" moment. Really, glad to have it over.

However I won't lie, I have no idea how I'd fare. Like mixed feelings best describes how I feel in totality. Because, I don't know. I don't know how I did. I don't know if I put in my best, only because there's always a part of me that feels that there's always room to be better, and above and beyond that, I have very little faith in myself anymore. Aiyaaa. Whatever. Que sera, sera. In March, I will know. Till then, I guess.. pray.

Yes, apprehensive wouldn't even begin to describe how I feel.

But enough with insecurities, I am a very happy camper (plus minus some pms hormones. haha)!!!! Post-As have been amazing so far.

Friday was Seoulgardening, and then dinner with love at Holland, and a lovely night altogether. Funny coincidences, lovely moonlight, handholding. Bliss. So many beautiful memories, that will last forever. iloveyou. (I'm really happy. And in love.)
Saturday was spent with the "longest" friend I've ever had in my life. She knows me, and I share parts of myself with her that I don't share with anyone else in my life. Fadhilah Zulkepli, I will never forget you - who I am today, you've played a part in it ;)
Sunday was spent with my rock of my JC career.. HEARTSYAT!!! Sundays With Hearts! As always, filled with soooo much laughter and good times, TWG tea and the chichi part of life. *giggles* I know we didn't really go on this last lap together, but I've always had you in my thoughts, and cherish you very very very much.
Monday was an early day spent at Choa Chu Kang for FIRQIN SUMARTONO THE BIRTHDAY GIRL! :D :D :D It was so fun to sneak into her house and pop some poppers and scream happy birthday for my fellow sunshine, and love. SMARTONO (smart huh! :D) i love youuuu hope today was AMAZEBALLS. Then it was travelling here and there and finally an hour plus spent catching up with farid fadzil! :D oh and marissa (I LOVE THIS CHICKKKK) with me at my house nowwww :D

Sigh, I hope I get a job and just, well, enjoy having me belonging to me. Until I get sucked into some other system. Sigh. I need me time. Wind down, some chick flicks, and well just keep rediscovering myself, my passions. Oh and I'm starting a reading list. I THINK TO MAKE SURE I COMMIT, I'm gonna put the list here, and keep updating! Bold means read!

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible - Too Many Cooks
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (ugh not by choice)
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert X
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White (i'm gonna re-read this either way.)
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
101 Everything is Illuminated - Jonathan Safron Foer
102 The Known World - Edward P Jones
103 The Human Stain - Philip Roth
104 Blood Meridian - Cormac McCarthy
105 The Woman Warrior - Maxine Hong Kingston
106 The Bluest Eye - Toni Morrison
107 The Crying of Lot 49 - Thomas Pynchon
108 Lost in the Funhouse - John Barth
109 Franny and Zooey - JD Salinger
110 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
111 Wise Blood - Flannery O'Connor
112 Black Boy - Richard Wright


OKAY. will add or update soon <3

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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And I love you baby, river deep, mountain high.

I really do.
So many songs remind me of us, him, me. And little things, smells, memories, places. It's been quite a journey.

I wonder if he'll read this. Haha.
It's kinda funny, if you saw us, you'd be amazed. Different, yet so innately similar. It's kinda, amusing, kind of uncanny, kind of wonderful.

Anyways, I'm in the midst of my A levels, and I can honestly say that I really am finding it very hard to focus on my last 2 papers. Well, 2 subjects, 4 sittings.

But you gotta do, what you gotta do.

Revamped my blog a bit, just played around with some html and codings to like get it looking just the way I want it to. Blogging reminds me of Mark Zuckerberg, blogging about that girl. If you haven't, hope you get a chance to catch The Social Network. It's kinda amazing, how an idea snowballs, into a force to be reckoned with. Kinda makes you inspired to think of the next big thing, to go conquer the world.

Anywho, I have so many post A level plans to put together, I can't wait for the 26th(:


love.

you know who you are: stop reading my archives!!! hehe.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries, School

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Labels: Life as it happens

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WOW. AIYA. It's 3:33am AND NO MATTER what anyone tells me, i can't help but feel a little depressed. I'm sorry.

1) My parents went ballistic on me recently. If you know why, FINE I DON'T BLAME THEM LAH. In all honesty.. I was stupid so yeah.

2) THE RESULT of their ballistic-ness IS that I feel like as if my freedom is slowly slipping from me. Which is why I'm like super depressed. HAHA fuck me and my melodrama lah. Its just that I feel like when I was in secondary school again, having my mom check on me and talking to my friend to "verify". Fking, retarded. Period.

HAHA. Right now, I'll hate anyone partying or having any sort of fun. On sight. COS i'm that jealous.

See that's the thing.

lemme give you an example.

EXAMPLE: I WANTED TO GO FOR AVALON.

See, hearts and I wanted to go for avalon. THEN by some miracle of god, we decided... nyah. Might as well not. I MEAN, I had the freedom to choose whether I wanted to or not, and we thought, we shouldn't, so FINE.

BUT NOW

I can't. And that makes all the difference. At the last minute, I thought "eh, but it might be fun" BUT THEN I remembered, "OH YA I FKING CAN'T" and suddenly the desire to go surges up by at least 500%.

hahahahh fuck me lah, I'm so melo drama.

SO YA HERE I AM. WISHING I WAS AT MBS RIGHT NOW, at this moment. BUT NOOOO. so yeah.

disclaimer: It is almost 4 am in the morning so have mercy on me.

Funny how life works, ain't it?

Labels: Life as it happens

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You go through rough patches sometimes. It's what they didn't tell you, when you handed over the consent form. But you over come them, regardless. Because, it's always worth it. If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for.

My brother just flew off to brighter pastures. It's the first time ever that I sent a sibling off, and I didn't shed a tear. It's definitely due to the fact that I'm beyond proud of him, elated for him, excited for him - too many positives to shed a tear. (OKAY, i did cry at some point. a few days ago. when i found out. whatevzz) It's amazing, I think. He's finally got his break. Reminds you, nothing is Impossible. Nothing.

I have dam full of emotions that I can't seem to put my finger on.

For you who enjoyed your monday, yes you.. i'm very happy for you. i honestly really am.

I feel..

still have to figure that out. Till then..

Labels: Family, Life as it happens, Reveries

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"...Henry appears, doing up his cuff links. He's wet, dirty, and unshaven. He looks about forty. But he's here, and he gives me a triumphant smile as he walks through the doors of the church and down the aisle."~Clare

"That's what I love you for: your inability to perceive my hideous flaws."~Henry

"I realize that I have forgotten my present Henry in my joy at seeing my once and future Henry, and I'm ashamed. I feel an almost maternal longing to go solace the strange boy who is becoming the man before me."~Clare

"This is why I love to be drawn by Clare: when she looks at me with that kind of attention, I feel that I am everything to her."~Henry

"I never wanted to have anything in my life that I couldn't stand losing. But it's too late for that. It's not because you're beautiful and smart. I don't feel alone anymore. Will you marry me?"(Henry) "No. I didn't mean that. I just wanted to try it, to say it, to assert my own sense of free will, but my free will wants you"(Clare)

"I wouldn't change one second of our life together."~Clare



I have finally completed my prelims. Honestly,I am kinda unsure as to how I would fare. It was highly challenging and well I wouldn't say that I was the most prepared person either. Sigh. I'm pretty glad it's over. When you know you could've done better, if you hadn't procrastinated et cetera, sitting through your exam is like going through immense torture. It's like it taunts you with the fact that you could do the paper, just not as well as you can. As mr peh said, "can means can, cannot means cannot". To think the next batch.. is the real deal. A Levels.

Obviously examinations are far from the reason why I opened this browser in the first place.

Today was challenging. Everything about it.
It made me question who I really am as a human being. Made me wonder what sort of person I am.
So many things that we talked about, left me scared, worried, and down right sad.
And lost yes, very lost.
I think it has much to do with me overthinking, but I keep wondering if.. If.. oh what if.
I am lost.

I just wanna be a kid again, where the world was simple, technicolor. Sit on the swing and look up into the sky, feeling like you're flying and that nothing else matters. Feeling awe and wonder for the world around you.

Yes. I need that swing.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries, School

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Wow. This year's Aidilfitri has really been one of the worst ones ever. Especially when I go on Facebook and see the many many photos of my friends, enjoying the festivities with their families, and loved ones. I haven't had a proper Hari Raya in years; big life-changing decisions are truly, life-changing. Coupled with the fact that Hari Raya falls in the midst of prelims, and that two of my siblings are in totally different continents, and the very fact that my mother's family is in Malaysia.. well there isn't much celebrating going on. What scares me is well, I wonder what will happen of the years to come? When I grow older, will I lug my family to Malaysia to meet my cousins? When my grandmother passes on, who will keep my family together? I have a huge huge family, but the ties that bind us has loosened, quite a bit. And what about my own direct family? Will my kids have their cousins to play with? Will they be excited to visit their grandparents? With my family strewn all over the world.. I kinda can't help but wonder how the future will be like.

I don't want my kids to grow up, unaware of their roots and culture. I mean Eid in itself is Muslim, and you can find Islam no matter where you go in the world. But HARI RAYA that's a manifestation of the Malay culture. No matter how much I'll insist I am Chinese, I am too Malay, and I do not deny that. I'm proud to be apart of this race and culture filled with traditions, vibrancy, everything. There's so much beauty in it, that many overlook due to the erosion of the Malay people under the social lens. I mean, yes, we are reminded everyday that the Malay people seem to be at the pit of society and that many problems that plague our society today - teenage pregnancies, druggies, etc - also seem to plague a great number of those of the Malay race. But in the midst of all this ratatata, lies a beautiful culture. The clothes, the colours, the hospitality, the kindness - all of which is embedded into being Malay. I don't want my children to be ignorant of this. I want them to have the things I had, experience what I experienced, and so much more.

Fingers crossed.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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Don't you remember that show? The Magic SchoolBus! IT WAS SO FUN! And honestly, if school was anything like that at all, I'd definitely have full attendance, and with actual excitement to be in school! Eitherway. Today at school I accidentally gave myself a 5 HOUR BREAK! WHATHESHITRIGHT?! Hahahahahhahaha. Cos I start school with a 2.5hr break and then I missed my lesson and then the lesson after that was a break cos it was cancelled... HAHAHHAHAHA righteous! School was so-so. Just another reminder of how close Prelims are and how f**ked I might be and well, that it'll all be over in the blink of an eye!

Oh and I managed to spend a total of about $100 IN SCHOOL TODAY WAHLAO! :c Thanks to notes, classfund, downpayment for Prom (which i'm kinda not sure if i'm going...-_-) and miscellaneous shizz. Aiyaiyaiii.

I've been meaning to share how august has been. I would say the most delightful and exciting thing so far was Singfest 2010!!!!! Yes, thanks to mama Joyene, I had the opportunity to see some awesome acts live, and my faaaaavouritest person, KATY PERRY!!!! Hahahah I remember that I've said that I'd totaaaally go gay for her. And I still hold true to that statement! Heehehe


(me and joyene! :D)


(SINGFEST!!!)


(MIZZ KITTY PURRY IN THE FLESSSSSH!!! *SWOOOOONS*)


:) I'm still pretty frazzled at how I'm ever gonna make it through my prelims with above mediocre results! Sigh. Okay off I go to be productive!!!!! <3

Labels: Life as it happens, School

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It feels very nice to know when you're not alone. To be told that someone's there for you. I really feel it's a beautiful feeling. I cannot complain about life anymore, because despite any stress or setbacks, I am not alone. :)

Did I mention that I am in love and happy? Hahaha. It took us a while to get where we are, and it isn't without it's complications.. but nothing is easy, right? We fight and argue, we laugh and smile - just the way the doctor prescribed it. You know everything's gonna be alright when he tells you it will himself. It just feels right.

So the plan is to just breathe. Take everything a step at a time.

Life's gonna be a little bit of a struggle in the next few months.. until november 26th. So till then, I hope I'll hold on to my sanity, cos it's gonna be a bumpy ride! <3


(always be whimsical, eh?)


(who lovessss cookies? nah, i love cookiemonster more!)


(<3)


p.s: i love these gems. i'll keep sharing!

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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Life can get really amusing sometimes. Not in a "HAHAHA:D" way but more of a *raise eyebrows* kinda way. Sigh. Between being really worried at one point and almost pulling my hair, to suddenly being all smiley and laughing with my cousin at 313 Somerset. Weird huh. I think we do our best to create some sort of... equilibrum with the gleeful and the crazy. HAHA. Yes, I'm trying to rationalize.

ANYWHO.

SCREW THIS MY BLOG HAS BEEN LACKING IN SUNSHINE AND GLITTER. HAHA. NOT FUN. TO GET OUT OF THE FUNK, I'M GONNA SHIT SUNSHINE OUT OF MY ASS. OKAY NOT REALLY BUT ENOUGH OF THE WHOLE EMO-NEMO DEEPTHINKING SHIZZZZ.

hahaha, i think it just perpetuates my emo-ness, if and when I keep writing about it. Like I'm dweeeeelling. So I'm gonna stop.

Despite life being really funny and amusing, I think life is good lah. I've been cruising around with Fadhilah in her car. Its just an amazing feeling when it's just you and someone else going nuts in a car, blasting R&B and HIPHOP music going NOWHERE.. just driving on the highwayyy. Really really fun. It feels like there're no obligations or responsibilities. Just the NOW.

~toodles.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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Did I mention my love for the movie An Education? (The link leads up to the movie, watch it if you haven't and you have the time) Amazing movie that really awoken many of my senses. Sigh.





And one of my favourite scenes..


Jenny: Studying is hard and boring. Teaching is hard and boring. So, what you’re telling me is to be bored, and then bored, and finally bored again, but this time for the rest of my life? This whole stupid country is bored! There’s no life in it, or color, or fun! It’s probably just as well the Russians are going to drop a nuclear bomb on us any day now. So my choice is to do something hard and boring, or to marry my… Jew, and go to Paris and Rome and listen to jazz, and read, and eat good food in nice restaurants, and have fun! It’s not enough to educate us anymore Ms. Walters. You’ve got to tell us why you’re doing it.

Labels: Life as it happens, School

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..so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep - XVII, P.N



I am inspired to write, but despite this sudden desperate need to put words to fruition, I still can't seem to sort the mess that is my brain. There are so many things to write, to say, to opine about, and yet, I still feel that I can't seem to say things in any way that would be coherent for anyone. I feel the need to lose myself somewhere different, somewhere faraway from all this hustle and bustle in order to ensure that at the very least, I can sort out what or how it is I'm feeling. I want to walk in places foreign to me and just discover the little dark corners of which I am sure I'd derive some thrill from. Sadly, it's not a luxury extended to me, at least not for now.

Safely and honestly, I can say that 2010 has been filled with a lot of challenges and experiences. For everything that has happened, there are consequences and not all of them have been good. This year seems to be filled with me being distracted. By a thousand and one things. I say distraction because it is assumed that my life right now should be focused on one thing and one thing alone, my studies. Is it not very depressing that we are to work so hard for this examination so that other people can judge how well our brains memorise and regurgitate, rather than judge us for who we are, our personalities and who we are as inhabitants of this earth. You can't fight the system. Right? A morbid fact but we are submitted to being these androids, at least for now. So yes, I have been very much so distracted. I've been falling in love, getting my heart somewhat (I say somewhat cos it wasn't actual heartbreak. just, a little aching abit.) broken and then falling in love (yes, all with the same person) all over again. I've been lying around, taking long bus rides, enjoying rooftop views of the heart of the country, learning about myself, and him. I can say that I have experienced many bittersweet experiences that have reshaped how I tend to see things, and this actually may not be a very good thing. Like how, I tend to be guarded now, and a little disillusioned. And somehow thanks to some things that he managed to implant in my head, I am starting to question every little thing. All, however, in true Jannah fashion since I am incapable of not overthinking and overdoing things. Le Sigh. If left to the mercy of my mind, I think I would be a very very depressed person. Because somehow I always manage to exacerbate my fears and insecurities, and believe in them so much they feel too real.

But I am sure of this, him and me. It can't be bad if it is that everytime I get mad at him, it's usually due to wanting to see each other, because we want each other too much but can't. Which is a good thing. At least I think so. It's not as if I mad about things that truly matter, in the sense. He makes me happy and makes me laugh and he's kind. I don't think anything else maters.

I really hope I can sort my brain out. I really want us to not be a distraction, but instead just an ordinary part of my life, because, honestly, everything has to have balance.

<3

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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This past week, has been.. well.. tiring to say the least. Yet at the same time.. so filled with lessons. I forgot what it means to have to work for something and though my efforts may not match up to some of those around me, I know that the very fact that I tried.. that has to count for something. Sigh. I swear, part of me is grateful that I at least have a sturdy foundation to fall back on. Had I studied harder, I'd have definitely aced this exams. Just being honest - the papers could've been a hell lot worse, but across the board, they weren't. I mean, lest for some potholes along the way *cough*Housekeeping*cough* they were all generally manageable. Hence, I would be very disappointed in myself should I not clear, let alone do well - disappointed not because I think I'm fabulous and can make it through (hardyharhar) but because I'd be disappointed in myself for not studying.

There's a lot to learn, you know. I kinda remember now how it feels like to be back studying..back in the game. It feels good actually. To remember that my purpose is to study and achieve what it is that I want, whatever that is. I've had all time to study for blocks, but I left it (as always) to the last minute and this time it really took a toll on my mind and soul. Sleep deprivation (and those who know me know that I don't mean simply sleeping at 2 or 3am but really not sleeping till the paper's done), cramming my brain with information without giving it time to naturally absorb it, wow. I had like a migraine after every paper and there's of course the exhaustion, plus after my papers on thursday and friday I kept feeling nauseous. HAHA, I'm not lamenting and whining - I know very well I brought this on to myself. But I'm also writing it all out here so that when my future self backtracks these posts, she'll remember that money is not the root of all evil, but procrastination is.

So the lesson is, if you want something you have to work for it. Mediocrity is not enough, especially when excellence beckons.

Besides that, life's the same, I guess. I've been a little lost lately, sometimes for good reasons, sometimes for things that well.. I wish just wasn't. There are things I wanna say to some people I love, but I just don't know how. I know I shouldn't take it seriously, but it's beginning to get very frustrating. Ah, whatever.

So, one more paper before BT2 is officially apart of history. Literally. I can't wait for some sun. And for some bonding time with Firqin (I reallllllyyyy miss this one a lot! Like seriously haven't gotten to bond with her. haaha) and for Eclipse with Lukman (damnwhyhispapersendlaterthanmineeeee) and Lyana's 21st on the 17th (aaaaaaaahfreakout!<3) and well to keep studying and well, for these 5 months to pass with grace. And God. And happiness.

Here's to looking forward <3

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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Fuck.

there isn't any time. really.
and everything's everywhere.

I have at most 41 hours left before I have to show my face back at school and yes to be honest, I know where I stand right now would most likely leave me at the bottom of my class and yes I know I deserve it..

but still, I'm scared.

Fml, that's all I've gotta say.

Fuck my life.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries, School

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I am in a good place in my life right now. Well, my studies could be a little better, but nevertheless, I'm in a happy state of mind. Well, I guess when the matters of the heart are finally in place, things just seem to feel a lot better, a lot lighter. I mean, yes, somewhat still confused, but happy nonetheless. And after all, happiness is key.

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much- ironically when there's too much going on in my mind, I tend to give up on blogging and just retract into my own bubble. But life's good, and that's all I'll say. For now.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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Changes. New Beginnings - we all want one. I've been lamenting about this imminent day, but truth of the matter is, it's gonna happen whether or not I want it to. The beautiful thing about life is that every moment is fleeting; it is only then we are able to value life. Birth is meant to be celebrated, not scorned upon. My Nineteenth year as a tenant on this Earth will be an awesome one. It's about perspective, after all. I look at this coming of age as a medium for change and as a start of a new chapter in the book called Life.

Life is filled with ups and downs. Yes, not every moment I've faced has been all sunshine and unicorns, but life was never meant to be easy. Past is past, and the future is still in my hands to decide. I wish myself happiness, and to never lose my drive and ambition and spirit for adventure, and to never give up. And I wish it for you too <3

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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A very topsy-turvy day, indeed.

Sigh.

Suddenly, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.

Can I just live in yesterday?

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries, School

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