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I've been reading some tweets, and blogs, and there seems to be a dark grey cloud enveloping the lives of many of the people I love dearly. And in a way, it's kinda infectious. But I really don't want to be consumed by this cloud of grey, dark and twisty. Neither do I want others to be consumed by it either. Currently life does feel like a bit of a struggle, eh? And to make it worse, it seems like there are expectations to meet, results to produce, and everything just seem utterly impossible ): But please, don't lose hope, don't lose faith. Don't be consumed by this vortex. It's not worth it. Life is so so much more than this thing called A Levels, though it's really hard to see beyond it now, I know. I think it's important to know that this struggle you're facing, you're not facing alone. Thousands more are facing it with you, and if you realise, thousand before us have made it through.

Everything will be fine.

Breathe.

Yes, I hate A levels. It seems to be taking things away from me.

But then, I remember that come November 26, this will all be apart of the past.

<3

Labels: Reveries, School

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(under the skies of Paris)



I'm taking a liking to History. Again. Wheee. It's like falling in love again. Haha. No, but seriously. History = <3. Heheheh. Honestly, I feel with the right set of notes, reading history is like reading a lovely story, filled with conspiracy, deceit, triumph, the whole shebang.

Still, it's quite challenging. Ahh, I am constantly gazing into the distance.. hoping for the future I long for.

Labels: Reveries

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I should've been born in the fifties. And have my youth be in the 60s. I stand by that statement. Definitely born in the wrong place, and the wrong era. Nonetheless, thank God music is forever. So, je vous presente, Edith Piaf. C'est magnifique!

p.s: we've decided to take actual french classes after my A levels together. Exciting much? c: gotta keep the brain muscles working! plus this totally beats my "Teach Yourself: Beginner's French" which, I think I am okay at, just that the school acads takes precedence ): another reason to look forward to Novembre 26th.

Labels: One Last Song, Reveries

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Don't you remember that show? The Magic SchoolBus! IT WAS SO FUN! And honestly, if school was anything like that at all, I'd definitely have full attendance, and with actual excitement to be in school! Eitherway. Today at school I accidentally gave myself a 5 HOUR BREAK! WHATHESHITRIGHT?! Hahahahahhahaha. Cos I start school with a 2.5hr break and then I missed my lesson and then the lesson after that was a break cos it was cancelled... HAHAHHAHAHA righteous! School was so-so. Just another reminder of how close Prelims are and how f**ked I might be and well, that it'll all be over in the blink of an eye!

Oh and I managed to spend a total of about $100 IN SCHOOL TODAY WAHLAO! :c Thanks to notes, classfund, downpayment for Prom (which i'm kinda not sure if i'm going...-_-) and miscellaneous shizz. Aiyaiyaiii.

I've been meaning to share how august has been. I would say the most delightful and exciting thing so far was Singfest 2010!!!!! Yes, thanks to mama Joyene, I had the opportunity to see some awesome acts live, and my faaaaavouritest person, KATY PERRY!!!! Hahahah I remember that I've said that I'd totaaaally go gay for her. And I still hold true to that statement! Heehehe


(me and joyene! :D)


(SINGFEST!!!)


(MIZZ KITTY PURRY IN THE FLESSSSSH!!! *SWOOOOONS*)


:) I'm still pretty frazzled at how I'm ever gonna make it through my prelims with above mediocre results! Sigh. Okay off I go to be productive!!!!! <3

Labels: Life as it happens, School

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It feels very nice to know when you're not alone. To be told that someone's there for you. I really feel it's a beautiful feeling. I cannot complain about life anymore, because despite any stress or setbacks, I am not alone. :)

Did I mention that I am in love and happy? Hahaha. It took us a while to get where we are, and it isn't without it's complications.. but nothing is easy, right? We fight and argue, we laugh and smile - just the way the doctor prescribed it. You know everything's gonna be alright when he tells you it will himself. It just feels right.

So the plan is to just breathe. Take everything a step at a time.

Life's gonna be a little bit of a struggle in the next few months.. until november 26th. So till then, I hope I'll hold on to my sanity, cos it's gonna be a bumpy ride! <3


(always be whimsical, eh?)


(who lovessss cookies? nah, i love cookiemonster more!)


(<3)


p.s: i love these gems. i'll keep sharing!

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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Life can get really amusing sometimes. Not in a "HAHAHA:D" way but more of a *raise eyebrows* kinda way. Sigh. Between being really worried at one point and almost pulling my hair, to suddenly being all smiley and laughing with my cousin at 313 Somerset. Weird huh. I think we do our best to create some sort of... equilibrum with the gleeful and the crazy. HAHA. Yes, I'm trying to rationalize.

ANYWHO.

SCREW THIS MY BLOG HAS BEEN LACKING IN SUNSHINE AND GLITTER. HAHA. NOT FUN. TO GET OUT OF THE FUNK, I'M GONNA SHIT SUNSHINE OUT OF MY ASS. OKAY NOT REALLY BUT ENOUGH OF THE WHOLE EMO-NEMO DEEPTHINKING SHIZZZZ.

hahaha, i think it just perpetuates my emo-ness, if and when I keep writing about it. Like I'm dweeeeelling. So I'm gonna stop.

Despite life being really funny and amusing, I think life is good lah. I've been cruising around with Fadhilah in her car. Its just an amazing feeling when it's just you and someone else going nuts in a car, blasting R&B and HIPHOP music going NOWHERE.. just driving on the highwayyy. Really really fun. It feels like there're no obligations or responsibilities. Just the NOW.

~toodles.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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Did I mention my love for the movie An Education? (The link leads up to the movie, watch it if you haven't and you have the time) Amazing movie that really awoken many of my senses. Sigh.





And one of my favourite scenes..


Jenny: Studying is hard and boring. Teaching is hard and boring. So, what you’re telling me is to be bored, and then bored, and finally bored again, but this time for the rest of my life? This whole stupid country is bored! There’s no life in it, or color, or fun! It’s probably just as well the Russians are going to drop a nuclear bomb on us any day now. So my choice is to do something hard and boring, or to marry my… Jew, and go to Paris and Rome and listen to jazz, and read, and eat good food in nice restaurants, and have fun! It’s not enough to educate us anymore Ms. Walters. You’ve got to tell us why you’re doing it.

Labels: Life as it happens, School

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..so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep - XVII, P.N



I am inspired to write, but despite this sudden desperate need to put words to fruition, I still can't seem to sort the mess that is my brain. There are so many things to write, to say, to opine about, and yet, I still feel that I can't seem to say things in any way that would be coherent for anyone. I feel the need to lose myself somewhere different, somewhere faraway from all this hustle and bustle in order to ensure that at the very least, I can sort out what or how it is I'm feeling. I want to walk in places foreign to me and just discover the little dark corners of which I am sure I'd derive some thrill from. Sadly, it's not a luxury extended to me, at least not for now.

Safely and honestly, I can say that 2010 has been filled with a lot of challenges and experiences. For everything that has happened, there are consequences and not all of them have been good. This year seems to be filled with me being distracted. By a thousand and one things. I say distraction because it is assumed that my life right now should be focused on one thing and one thing alone, my studies. Is it not very depressing that we are to work so hard for this examination so that other people can judge how well our brains memorise and regurgitate, rather than judge us for who we are, our personalities and who we are as inhabitants of this earth. You can't fight the system. Right? A morbid fact but we are submitted to being these androids, at least for now. So yes, I have been very much so distracted. I've been falling in love, getting my heart somewhat (I say somewhat cos it wasn't actual heartbreak. just, a little aching abit.) broken and then falling in love (yes, all with the same person) all over again. I've been lying around, taking long bus rides, enjoying rooftop views of the heart of the country, learning about myself, and him. I can say that I have experienced many bittersweet experiences that have reshaped how I tend to see things, and this actually may not be a very good thing. Like how, I tend to be guarded now, and a little disillusioned. And somehow thanks to some things that he managed to implant in my head, I am starting to question every little thing. All, however, in true Jannah fashion since I am incapable of not overthinking and overdoing things. Le Sigh. If left to the mercy of my mind, I think I would be a very very depressed person. Because somehow I always manage to exacerbate my fears and insecurities, and believe in them so much they feel too real.

But I am sure of this, him and me. It can't be bad if it is that everytime I get mad at him, it's usually due to wanting to see each other, because we want each other too much but can't. Which is a good thing. At least I think so. It's not as if I mad about things that truly matter, in the sense. He makes me happy and makes me laugh and he's kind. I don't think anything else maters.

I really hope I can sort my brain out. I really want us to not be a distraction, but instead just an ordinary part of my life, because, honestly, everything has to have balance.

<3

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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