Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Labels: One Last Song, Reveries

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Red Hot Chili Peppers - By The Way

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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Today was filled with traveling. I realise that this country really isn't that big, BUT it never ceases to amaze me. There's always something that I haven't seen, someplace that I've never been. It's quite fun actually. I guess, if I've yet to figure out every nook and cranny of my own country, I should, before I begin exploring the countries' of others.

I spent today with Firqin. I enjoyed my day whole-heartedly. We chatted and laughed and had Wendy's (at Holland Village), basically spending many hours just seated there and talking. So nice to just have a friend, and just be. Best part of course was the fact that we were far off from anywhere too crowded or noisy. So it was just fun :)

i really enjoyed today sumartono. heheh. and all the things we shared. especially about our mothers. <3 <3 <3

Anyways, wow. Just got my period today. Okay tmi I know but it explains all the negativity festering in my soul. Like, wow, I've been in this bubble (or still am) of like angst these past few days. It's really hard to be carefree and happy when all you wanna do is watch sob stories and cry, when all you can see is the thunder and the grey skies. When all you can think about is about how much better off other people are, ET CETERA. IT IS SO HORRIBLE, I REALLY CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS CLOUD TO PAST.

Alright, I've said my piece.

p.s. Today (that being the first of december) marks 183 days together, not killing each other. yet. hahahah.

love.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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I honestly feel like the huge load on my shoulder (at the back of my mind, what have you) has been lifted. A Levels, was not an easy feat. By far, in my 19 years of life, one of the hardest things that I've ever had to go through. Really. I mean, psychologically, physically, everything. I've gone through my fair share of tough things in life, so... hmm. I'm really glad it's over. At some point I went crying to my father, thinking that I won't be able to get through it. Another time, I lost my soul into a really dark place, I had my "what's the whole point?" moment. Really, glad to have it over.

However I won't lie, I have no idea how I'd fare. Like mixed feelings best describes how I feel in totality. Because, I don't know. I don't know how I did. I don't know if I put in my best, only because there's always a part of me that feels that there's always room to be better, and above and beyond that, I have very little faith in myself anymore. Aiyaaa. Whatever. Que sera, sera. In March, I will know. Till then, I guess.. pray.

Yes, apprehensive wouldn't even begin to describe how I feel.

But enough with insecurities, I am a very happy camper (plus minus some pms hormones. haha)!!!! Post-As have been amazing so far.

Friday was Seoulgardening, and then dinner with love at Holland, and a lovely night altogether. Funny coincidences, lovely moonlight, handholding. Bliss. So many beautiful memories, that will last forever. iloveyou. (I'm really happy. And in love.)
Saturday was spent with the "longest" friend I've ever had in my life. She knows me, and I share parts of myself with her that I don't share with anyone else in my life. Fadhilah Zulkepli, I will never forget you - who I am today, you've played a part in it ;)
Sunday was spent with my rock of my JC career.. HEARTSYAT!!! Sundays With Hearts! As always, filled with soooo much laughter and good times, TWG tea and the chichi part of life. *giggles* I know we didn't really go on this last lap together, but I've always had you in my thoughts, and cherish you very very very much.
Monday was an early day spent at Choa Chu Kang for FIRQIN SUMARTONO THE BIRTHDAY GIRL! :D :D :D It was so fun to sneak into her house and pop some poppers and scream happy birthday for my fellow sunshine, and love. SMARTONO (smart huh! :D) i love youuuu hope today was AMAZEBALLS. Then it was travelling here and there and finally an hour plus spent catching up with farid fadzil! :D oh and marissa (I LOVE THIS CHICKKKK) with me at my house nowwww :D

Sigh, I hope I get a job and just, well, enjoy having me belonging to me. Until I get sucked into some other system. Sigh. I need me time. Wind down, some chick flicks, and well just keep rediscovering myself, my passions. Oh and I'm starting a reading list. I THINK TO MAKE SURE I COMMIT, I'm gonna put the list here, and keep updating! Bold means read!

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible - Too Many Cooks
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (ugh not by choice)
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert X
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White (i'm gonna re-read this either way.)
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
101 Everything is Illuminated - Jonathan Safron Foer
102 The Known World - Edward P Jones
103 The Human Stain - Philip Roth
104 Blood Meridian - Cormac McCarthy
105 The Woman Warrior - Maxine Hong Kingston
106 The Bluest Eye - Toni Morrison
107 The Crying of Lot 49 - Thomas Pynchon
108 Lost in the Funhouse - John Barth
109 Franny and Zooey - JD Salinger
110 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
111 Wise Blood - Flannery O'Connor
112 Black Boy - Richard Wright


OKAY. will add or update soon <3

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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And I love you baby, river deep, mountain high.

I really do.
So many songs remind me of us, him, me. And little things, smells, memories, places. It's been quite a journey.

I wonder if he'll read this. Haha.
It's kinda funny, if you saw us, you'd be amazed. Different, yet so innately similar. It's kinda, amusing, kind of uncanny, kind of wonderful.

Anyways, I'm in the midst of my A levels, and I can honestly say that I really am finding it very hard to focus on my last 2 papers. Well, 2 subjects, 4 sittings.

But you gotta do, what you gotta do.

Revamped my blog a bit, just played around with some html and codings to like get it looking just the way I want it to. Blogging reminds me of Mark Zuckerberg, blogging about that girl. If you haven't, hope you get a chance to catch The Social Network. It's kinda amazing, how an idea snowballs, into a force to be reckoned with. Kinda makes you inspired to think of the next big thing, to go conquer the world.

Anywho, I have so many post A level plans to put together, I can't wait for the 26th(:


love.

you know who you are: stop reading my archives!!! hehe.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries, School

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It's kinda scary, to think that everything from here on is do or die.

Gives me the jitters a little bit.

Sigh.

I don't know if I'll make it, and that's just being honest.

I guess, I have to at least, try.

Labels: Reveries

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Before I fall too fast
Kiss me quick, but make it last
So I can see how badly this will hurt me
When you say goodbye

Keep it sweet, keep it slow
Let the future pass, and don't let go
But tonight I could fall too soon
Into this beautiful moonlight

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing, you've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling, but please don't catch me

See this heart won't settle down
Like a child running scared from a clown
I'm terrified of what you do
My stomach screams just when I look at you

Run far away so I can breathe
Even though you're far from suffocating me
I can't set my hopes too high
'Cause every hello ends with a goodbye

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing, you've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling, but please don't catch me

So now you see why I'm scared
I can't open up my heart without a care
But here I go, it's what I feel
And for the first time in my life I know it's for real

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing, you've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling so please don't catch me

If this is love, please don't break me
I'm giving up so just catch me

Labels: One Last Song, Reveries

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You go through rough patches sometimes. It's what they didn't tell you, when you handed over the consent form. But you over come them, regardless. Because, it's always worth it. If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for.

My brother just flew off to brighter pastures. It's the first time ever that I sent a sibling off, and I didn't shed a tear. It's definitely due to the fact that I'm beyond proud of him, elated for him, excited for him - too many positives to shed a tear. (OKAY, i did cry at some point. a few days ago. when i found out. whatevzz) It's amazing, I think. He's finally got his break. Reminds you, nothing is Impossible. Nothing.

I have dam full of emotions that I can't seem to put my finger on.

For you who enjoyed your monday, yes you.. i'm very happy for you. i honestly really am.

I feel..

still have to figure that out. Till then..

Labels: Family, Life as it happens, Reveries

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it's never a good thing if I have Adele's "First love" on repeat.

Labels: Reveries

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"...Henry appears, doing up his cuff links. He's wet, dirty, and unshaven. He looks about forty. But he's here, and he gives me a triumphant smile as he walks through the doors of the church and down the aisle."~Clare

"That's what I love you for: your inability to perceive my hideous flaws."~Henry

"I realize that I have forgotten my present Henry in my joy at seeing my once and future Henry, and I'm ashamed. I feel an almost maternal longing to go solace the strange boy who is becoming the man before me."~Clare

"This is why I love to be drawn by Clare: when she looks at me with that kind of attention, I feel that I am everything to her."~Henry

"I never wanted to have anything in my life that I couldn't stand losing. But it's too late for that. It's not because you're beautiful and smart. I don't feel alone anymore. Will you marry me?"(Henry) "No. I didn't mean that. I just wanted to try it, to say it, to assert my own sense of free will, but my free will wants you"(Clare)

"I wouldn't change one second of our life together."~Clare



I have finally completed my prelims. Honestly,I am kinda unsure as to how I would fare. It was highly challenging and well I wouldn't say that I was the most prepared person either. Sigh. I'm pretty glad it's over. When you know you could've done better, if you hadn't procrastinated et cetera, sitting through your exam is like going through immense torture. It's like it taunts you with the fact that you could do the paper, just not as well as you can. As mr peh said, "can means can, cannot means cannot". To think the next batch.. is the real deal. A Levels.

Obviously examinations are far from the reason why I opened this browser in the first place.

Today was challenging. Everything about it.
It made me question who I really am as a human being. Made me wonder what sort of person I am.
So many things that we talked about, left me scared, worried, and down right sad.
And lost yes, very lost.
I think it has much to do with me overthinking, but I keep wondering if.. If.. oh what if.
I am lost.

I just wanna be a kid again, where the world was simple, technicolor. Sit on the swing and look up into the sky, feeling like you're flying and that nothing else matters. Feeling awe and wonder for the world around you.

Yes. I need that swing.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries, School

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Wow. This year's Aidilfitri has really been one of the worst ones ever. Especially when I go on Facebook and see the many many photos of my friends, enjoying the festivities with their families, and loved ones. I haven't had a proper Hari Raya in years; big life-changing decisions are truly, life-changing. Coupled with the fact that Hari Raya falls in the midst of prelims, and that two of my siblings are in totally different continents, and the very fact that my mother's family is in Malaysia.. well there isn't much celebrating going on. What scares me is well, I wonder what will happen of the years to come? When I grow older, will I lug my family to Malaysia to meet my cousins? When my grandmother passes on, who will keep my family together? I have a huge huge family, but the ties that bind us has loosened, quite a bit. And what about my own direct family? Will my kids have their cousins to play with? Will they be excited to visit their grandparents? With my family strewn all over the world.. I kinda can't help but wonder how the future will be like.

I don't want my kids to grow up, unaware of their roots and culture. I mean Eid in itself is Muslim, and you can find Islam no matter where you go in the world. But HARI RAYA that's a manifestation of the Malay culture. No matter how much I'll insist I am Chinese, I am too Malay, and I do not deny that. I'm proud to be apart of this race and culture filled with traditions, vibrancy, everything. There's so much beauty in it, that many overlook due to the erosion of the Malay people under the social lens. I mean, yes, we are reminded everyday that the Malay people seem to be at the pit of society and that many problems that plague our society today - teenage pregnancies, druggies, etc - also seem to plague a great number of those of the Malay race. But in the midst of all this ratatata, lies a beautiful culture. The clothes, the colours, the hospitality, the kindness - all of which is embedded into being Malay. I don't want my children to be ignorant of this. I want them to have the things I had, experience what I experienced, and so much more.

Fingers crossed.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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allmypicscomefromthisamazingtumblr

I've been reading some tweets, and blogs, and there seems to be a dark grey cloud enveloping the lives of many of the people I love dearly. And in a way, it's kinda infectious. But I really don't want to be consumed by this cloud of grey, dark and twisty. Neither do I want others to be consumed by it either. Currently life does feel like a bit of a struggle, eh? And to make it worse, it seems like there are expectations to meet, results to produce, and everything just seem utterly impossible ): But please, don't lose hope, don't lose faith. Don't be consumed by this vortex. It's not worth it. Life is so so much more than this thing called A Levels, though it's really hard to see beyond it now, I know. I think it's important to know that this struggle you're facing, you're not facing alone. Thousands more are facing it with you, and if you realise, thousand before us have made it through.

Everything will be fine.

Breathe.

Yes, I hate A levels. It seems to be taking things away from me.

But then, I remember that come November 26, this will all be apart of the past.

<3

Labels: Reveries, School

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(under the skies of Paris)



I'm taking a liking to History. Again. Wheee. It's like falling in love again. Haha. No, but seriously. History = <3. Heheheh. Honestly, I feel with the right set of notes, reading history is like reading a lovely story, filled with conspiracy, deceit, triumph, the whole shebang.

Still, it's quite challenging. Ahh, I am constantly gazing into the distance.. hoping for the future I long for.

Labels: Reveries

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I should've been born in the fifties. And have my youth be in the 60s. I stand by that statement. Definitely born in the wrong place, and the wrong era. Nonetheless, thank God music is forever. So, je vous presente, Edith Piaf. C'est magnifique!

p.s: we've decided to take actual french classes after my A levels together. Exciting much? c: gotta keep the brain muscles working! plus this totally beats my "Teach Yourself: Beginner's French" which, I think I am okay at, just that the school acads takes precedence ): another reason to look forward to Novembre 26th.

Labels: One Last Song, Reveries

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It feels very nice to know when you're not alone. To be told that someone's there for you. I really feel it's a beautiful feeling. I cannot complain about life anymore, because despite any stress or setbacks, I am not alone. :)

Did I mention that I am in love and happy? Hahaha. It took us a while to get where we are, and it isn't without it's complications.. but nothing is easy, right? We fight and argue, we laugh and smile - just the way the doctor prescribed it. You know everything's gonna be alright when he tells you it will himself. It just feels right.

So the plan is to just breathe. Take everything a step at a time.

Life's gonna be a little bit of a struggle in the next few months.. until november 26th. So till then, I hope I'll hold on to my sanity, cos it's gonna be a bumpy ride! <3


(always be whimsical, eh?)


(who lovessss cookies? nah, i love cookiemonster more!)


(<3)


p.s: i love these gems. i'll keep sharing!

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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Life can get really amusing sometimes. Not in a "HAHAHA:D" way but more of a *raise eyebrows* kinda way. Sigh. Between being really worried at one point and almost pulling my hair, to suddenly being all smiley and laughing with my cousin at 313 Somerset. Weird huh. I think we do our best to create some sort of... equilibrum with the gleeful and the crazy. HAHA. Yes, I'm trying to rationalize.

ANYWHO.

SCREW THIS MY BLOG HAS BEEN LACKING IN SUNSHINE AND GLITTER. HAHA. NOT FUN. TO GET OUT OF THE FUNK, I'M GONNA SHIT SUNSHINE OUT OF MY ASS. OKAY NOT REALLY BUT ENOUGH OF THE WHOLE EMO-NEMO DEEPTHINKING SHIZZZZ.

hahaha, i think it just perpetuates my emo-ness, if and when I keep writing about it. Like I'm dweeeeelling. So I'm gonna stop.

Despite life being really funny and amusing, I think life is good lah. I've been cruising around with Fadhilah in her car. Its just an amazing feeling when it's just you and someone else going nuts in a car, blasting R&B and HIPHOP music going NOWHERE.. just driving on the highwayyy. Really really fun. It feels like there're no obligations or responsibilities. Just the NOW.

~toodles.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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..so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep - XVII, P.N



I am inspired to write, but despite this sudden desperate need to put words to fruition, I still can't seem to sort the mess that is my brain. There are so many things to write, to say, to opine about, and yet, I still feel that I can't seem to say things in any way that would be coherent for anyone. I feel the need to lose myself somewhere different, somewhere faraway from all this hustle and bustle in order to ensure that at the very least, I can sort out what or how it is I'm feeling. I want to walk in places foreign to me and just discover the little dark corners of which I am sure I'd derive some thrill from. Sadly, it's not a luxury extended to me, at least not for now.

Safely and honestly, I can say that 2010 has been filled with a lot of challenges and experiences. For everything that has happened, there are consequences and not all of them have been good. This year seems to be filled with me being distracted. By a thousand and one things. I say distraction because it is assumed that my life right now should be focused on one thing and one thing alone, my studies. Is it not very depressing that we are to work so hard for this examination so that other people can judge how well our brains memorise and regurgitate, rather than judge us for who we are, our personalities and who we are as inhabitants of this earth. You can't fight the system. Right? A morbid fact but we are submitted to being these androids, at least for now. So yes, I have been very much so distracted. I've been falling in love, getting my heart somewhat (I say somewhat cos it wasn't actual heartbreak. just, a little aching abit.) broken and then falling in love (yes, all with the same person) all over again. I've been lying around, taking long bus rides, enjoying rooftop views of the heart of the country, learning about myself, and him. I can say that I have experienced many bittersweet experiences that have reshaped how I tend to see things, and this actually may not be a very good thing. Like how, I tend to be guarded now, and a little disillusioned. And somehow thanks to some things that he managed to implant in my head, I am starting to question every little thing. All, however, in true Jannah fashion since I am incapable of not overthinking and overdoing things. Le Sigh. If left to the mercy of my mind, I think I would be a very very depressed person. Because somehow I always manage to exacerbate my fears and insecurities, and believe in them so much they feel too real.

But I am sure of this, him and me. It can't be bad if it is that everytime I get mad at him, it's usually due to wanting to see each other, because we want each other too much but can't. Which is a good thing. At least I think so. It's not as if I mad about things that truly matter, in the sense. He makes me happy and makes me laugh and he's kind. I don't think anything else maters.

I really hope I can sort my brain out. I really want us to not be a distraction, but instead just an ordinary part of my life, because, honestly, everything has to have balance.

<3

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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I had a so-so week. By so-so I mean some days were indeed awesome, and some, well not. There were times when I felt so pressed for time, I wanted to pull out my hair. There were moments where I could've bitten people's heads off. Hahaha. No but seriously. Stressful, certainly. I mean it's not as if I expect myself to be cruising through life, but wow.

But meeting adel, almost ALWAYS makes things so much better. Always. Undoubtedly. She has always been the yin to my yang. Really..soulmates <3 She always know the right things to say, and always tell me things that I have to hear, being honest with me always. She makes things so much better, just by her utter silliness. And she always wants the best for me, as I do her. No one is as sincere as her, in my view.

Life's going to be so different without her just around the corner. Well, not literally, cos she lives in the East either way, though considering she's going to be continents away... things will be so different. I love her with all my heart and I'm really excited for this lap in her life; we've been talking about it since we were 13, so yes, about time. I hope I'll be able to join her, someday.. or at least be in the same region. Haha. Wow, life's moving on fast eh? To think it was five years ago that we were sitting at the same table in the art room working on our batik piece and discussing our life plans. I am so glad I asked the teacher to change my seat in sec 1/O last time and I ended up seated next to this girl, for the next year and a half. And well, 6 years on, we're still seated across from each other discussing our life as we know it.


<3

Labels: Reveries

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This past week, has been.. well.. tiring to say the least. Yet at the same time.. so filled with lessons. I forgot what it means to have to work for something and though my efforts may not match up to some of those around me, I know that the very fact that I tried.. that has to count for something. Sigh. I swear, part of me is grateful that I at least have a sturdy foundation to fall back on. Had I studied harder, I'd have definitely aced this exams. Just being honest - the papers could've been a hell lot worse, but across the board, they weren't. I mean, lest for some potholes along the way *cough*Housekeeping*cough* they were all generally manageable. Hence, I would be very disappointed in myself should I not clear, let alone do well - disappointed not because I think I'm fabulous and can make it through (hardyharhar) but because I'd be disappointed in myself for not studying.

There's a lot to learn, you know. I kinda remember now how it feels like to be back studying..back in the game. It feels good actually. To remember that my purpose is to study and achieve what it is that I want, whatever that is. I've had all time to study for blocks, but I left it (as always) to the last minute and this time it really took a toll on my mind and soul. Sleep deprivation (and those who know me know that I don't mean simply sleeping at 2 or 3am but really not sleeping till the paper's done), cramming my brain with information without giving it time to naturally absorb it, wow. I had like a migraine after every paper and there's of course the exhaustion, plus after my papers on thursday and friday I kept feeling nauseous. HAHA, I'm not lamenting and whining - I know very well I brought this on to myself. But I'm also writing it all out here so that when my future self backtracks these posts, she'll remember that money is not the root of all evil, but procrastination is.

So the lesson is, if you want something you have to work for it. Mediocrity is not enough, especially when excellence beckons.

Besides that, life's the same, I guess. I've been a little lost lately, sometimes for good reasons, sometimes for things that well.. I wish just wasn't. There are things I wanna say to some people I love, but I just don't know how. I know I shouldn't take it seriously, but it's beginning to get very frustrating. Ah, whatever.

So, one more paper before BT2 is officially apart of history. Literally. I can't wait for some sun. And for some bonding time with Firqin (I reallllllyyyy miss this one a lot! Like seriously haven't gotten to bond with her. haaha) and for Eclipse with Lukman (damnwhyhispapersendlaterthanmineeeee) and Lyana's 21st on the 17th (aaaaaaaahfreakout!<3) and well to keep studying and well, for these 5 months to pass with grace. And God. And happiness.

Here's to looking forward <3

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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"My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah" - The Notebook

Labels: Reveries

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