Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.

Monday, March 30, 2009 @ 20:27 I've been tagged by the cookie monster. OKAY, no its amanda actually. heregoes ladies. 1) Besides your lips , where is your favourite spot to get kissed? hurhur - neck (: 2) How do you feel when you woke up this morning? Cranky cos I had to shampoo my hair! 3) Who was the last person you took a photo with? Marissa lynn ((: 4) Would you consider yourself to be spoiled? Only in the deepest depths of family where NO ONE ELSE knows, though, not often (: 5) Would you ever donate blood? YUPPS! I was sick the previous time round! 6) Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? yeah, only a few. 7) Do you want someone dead? Yes. LETS NOT GO THERE! 8) What does your last text message say? "Nah, its aite"-dhidhi 9) What are you thinking of right now? DINNER. okay its late but I didn't eat lunch either. 10) Do you wish someone was with you right now? Yupps ): 11) What time did you go to sleep last night? ER, one a.m i think. or midnight! 12) Where did you buy the T-shirt you are wearing now? CEDAR- ZEAL SHIRT BABBEH!!! 13) Is someone on your mind right now? HAHA, yes. since saturday. GOO soccer. (heeee) 14) Who was the last person to text you? Dhidhi! 10 PEOPLE TAGGED TO DO THIS QUIZ :(hmm you don't really gotta do it, unless you wanna!) 1. Kwoi! 2. Marissa 3. Sofia 4. RASUUL! 5. Syaf:D 6. nadia 7. LEEELEEELEEE 8. nick 9. ELFA 10. huihui!:D 15) Who is 2 having a relationship with? (marisssa) well, "its complicated" 16) Is 3 a male or a female? (SOFIA) female. 17) If 7 and 10 get together will that be a good thing? (CHERYLEE&gay!) AHAHA yes damn good - they'll be the scream machine and make scream-y babies! HAAHAHAHAHA! 18) What is Number 1 studying about? (Kwoi) Bowling, or hot IDOLS in kdramas or maybe ~~BLOCKTESTS!~~. 19) Is Number 4 single? (Rasul) I think so? lol (HEEE rasul, sape seh buah hati kau!) 20) Say something about Number 2. (Marissa) She's a really cool friend who's cute funny and athletic to the MAR! 21) What do you think about Number 3 and 6 being together? (Sofia&Nadia) Farid will die, and well, so will 3's mom! 22) Describe Number 9. (Elfa) SUPERSMART&first SA buddy!. 23) What will you do if Number 6 and 7 fight? (Nadia&Cherylee!) AHAHA they won't can - super nice people! 24) Do you like Number 8? (Nick) Obviously (: 25) Between 4 and 5, who do you prefer to have a r/s with? (Rasul & Syaf)Rasul's a guy, so the heterosexual side of me would pick him, BUT WELL, me & syaf always promised that if we're not married by...(how old ah?) we'll marry each other! wheee! AITE. in the words of "Rin on the Rox" ~ like it, love it, hate it, whatever (: I love this - hope you watch it ((: <3 jaye. p/s: TOMORROW I'M WATCHING WINTER'S TALE! Excited soooo much! F.O.C too! WOOOTS! Omg, ethan hawke. hee. Okay, system failure, hot guys reach saturation point.HEE ((: lol, i guess I'm having a pretty okay day! AND SYAFIQAH. I DON'T CARE AH, YOU'RE COMING, EVEN IF ITS ALONE!!! MUAKS back to top?
Sunday, March 29, 2009 @ 21:54 Just thinking. Sometimes things change, when we don't want it to right? Oh boy how my life has changed, for sure. My 2007 - Definitely one of the years of my life I'll never forget. What happened to it all? back to top?
@ 11:49 Overwhelmed. Aiye. I think I am officially overwhelmed; like officially. I mean, a bit too many things and well, I'm not so good doing it by myself. ARH. Its really depressing. I went to HCJC for rehearsal - myself since Anthony couldn't go; some family thing back at Indonesia. As always, my nervousness got the best of me. I definitely didn't sang well at all. Like no kidding yo. I could feel my hands shaking - its a wonder how the microphone managed to not get out of my hands. (I seriously gotta get over this nervousness etc. SHITTERS jan.) Anyhow, I swear the acts in the line-up that I did managed to watch, is pretty much worth the $8 you'll be spending to watch the concert. TOTALLY worth it. HEE! Serious! I mean, the HCJC peeps are really talented and sang really well, and some band - well they were really good, didn't sound totally amateur-ish. ITS WORTH GOING. I mean, totally - go toilet when I'm singing but come back to watch the rest! HAHAHAA But amongst other things. Friends. I knew that this was gonna be the outcome of their actions. So tell me. What should i do now? Huh? Even so, if you're reading this (yes, you know who you are dear), WE need to talk. I'm just really really sorry. boo. What a weekend. back to top?
Friday, March 27, 2009 @ 22:04 Just a little apprehensive. Hmm, Fridays aren't going as planned - I'm not feeling the buzz. Like I do on friday nights. But instead I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I have a few things to do tomorrow - one of which's leaving me a BIG nervous wreck. AHH. I ought to be used to it by now, but I can't help myself. No matter how many times I do it, the butterflies come swarming through and I start to need to pee, and my knee shakes - BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW my knee shakes like crazy when I'm nervous. So much going through my mind right now... I can't seem to organize my thoughts or my life for that matter in the manner that I am used to. You know, if you imagine my brain to be a little library, my thoughts are all shelved meticulously in alphabetical order, arranged according to themes: FICTION, non-fiction, reference, Young Adult.. you know the drill. Now imagine someone dropped a "fat boy" on that library like in HiroshimaNagasaki - and there you have it: my mind. ARH. Hate it when I'm vulnerable-ish. MSA results fully back. Am I happy with it? Hmm, that's actually really hard to say. Out of my H2s, only one is the same one i took last year, and my H1 is different. But still, in my head, especially after sitting for the papers, I know I could do better. I'm not trying to be horribly annoying - one of those people you wanna slap if they're complaining when they didn't do too bad - but like honestly can't help but crave for BETTER. And somehow, with my downfall in literature, I cannot help but feel very sad!! For friends (you know who you are) who didn't do well, J1 or J2, MSAs or BTs - Don't give up. It may suck big time, really. Especially to those who studied their butts and didn't do well enough or worse, see people around them who didn't study but do better than them - it's hard to take in now, and everything seems to be really horrid BUT do not give up. Easier said than done, I know, but really, hard work, determination and drive all PAYS OFF tremendously in the end of the day - I know some friends who are the embodiments of these pay-offs. Focus. Stand back up again. Don't give up. Get your head in the game. You can do it, cos know this: No matter who you are, you have at least one person cheering you on, hoping for the best for you and never losing faith in you. That's me (: back to top?
Thursday, March 26, 2009 @ 21:30 SUPER SHAMELESS PROMOTION (please do read!!) I'll be performing for HCJC's charity concert. Please come down support! Details as follows! Date: 3RD APRIL 2009, Friday Time: 7.30pm to 9.00pm Location: HCJC AUDITORIUM. Ticket prices:$8! SMS ME IF YOU WANNA GO PLEASE!! I need the supporters, and well, the concert's lineup's pretty good, so you won't regret it ~ and its for a good cause: autistic children! back to blog proper~ Salah ke, kalau aku sedih? I don't care if i go all hybrid englay on you - ENGlish-maLAY - but I'll translate where possible. I'm not at my best emotional stage right now and well, there's somethings which I feel really sad about. SERIOUSLY. aichyoo. Macam sedih gila tau - tak tahu lah. I've been really in and out the past few weeks. Haix. Camne? I really, really blame the hormones for everything. ~~I've gotten my period TOO many times in too short a period of time. tooshort.~~ TMI I KNOW. But probably a key player of my current disposition. Just got back from a phone call from my sister I love my sister. Like no matter what I say or said, ultimately, my siblings are my pillar of strength. Yeah, there are times when I figure they'd rather do without me, or I without them, but that's just the anger talking, really. I won't know what I'd do without them ~ arh, I can't even imagine, really. I got back most of my MSA results today. Oh gosh, I did okay for some, HORRIDLY for one subject. I never thought I'd do badly at it, AT ALL. Never have I done badly for that subject before and I swear, no matter how well I did for other subjects, this downfall somehow manages to outweigh them all. Really. Is it possible that in the light of true blue testing, I really can't do that subject, or just honestly not good at it at all? I mean seriously. Have I been fooled by a lie all this long? You have no idea, no idea what I'm feeling right now. Gosh. What was my excuse for doing so badly? i just wanna curl up in a ball and cry for a bit. just a bit, and i'll be fine. Ultimately, I did okay for my MSAs, with only one more subject yet to be calculated. ARH. I hate this, cos I still didn't meet my expectations so badly for that subject. Nur Jannah Cheang. STOP THIS. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF, STOP beating your self up for it. I really ought to just work harder at my wrongs, consult my teachers for my flaws and turn them all around, and ULTIMATELY, make improvements, and narrow the room for mistakes. STUDY harder and smarter That's the name of the game.I guess thats one of the reasons why I am quite down and blue. Typical cedarian. haha. There are of course other reasons. Not feeling one with my class; I know, they can't help it, but well, I'm not one of them ~ it doesn't bother me much, but just a little. I'm not as happy internally as I was once, early this year. Actually, when I think about it, I sometimes wonder if I've ever been really happy. After some evaluation and stuff, I think that many a times, my happiness, no matter how its acquired, is very short-lived. Like after a few hours, I suddenly reach a low. And well, it happens on most days too. Like just backtrack my blogposts. I'm not kidding. ARH. I don't know why, and that's what bothers me most. Is it me - am I just thinking this way cos I'm feeling down? Or am I really eternally sad by nature? HAHAH. Okay, I doubt that's so, but even so, I doubt it isn't so. I wanna just stop trying to please other people. Really leh. Like stop. I've been spending too much time trying to please as many groups of people as possible - family, relatives, friends here and there, old class new class, old friends new friends. Key word, TRYING. But its so hard, and when I am unable to do so, I feel like I've failed terribly. Boo ) Its all about you, jans. Its all about you. back to top?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009 @ 23:06 It was just time for a revamp. I wasn't feeling my old skin anymore. I might, in a while, but for now, this really works for me. Other than tiny snippets of posts, I haven't really been blogging much have I? I have a lot going on right now, but well, I'm not really feeling.. whole. I don't know. Some part of me feels void of something. Arh. I know, its so lame. Anyways, the room's clean, the house's clean. I spent lots of time reading today, which feels great, actually. I'm so not looking forward to tomorrow's day at school, especially with a migraine hanging around my head. READY TO STRIKE wachaa! Some pictures from the holidays... The class chalet. CRAZYish NIGHT. OUTING WITH THE YMERS! :D Spending lotsa time with the drama-tors! more SAKAE with the drama-tors. @Cheryl's lovely place after Alexis' cotillion. Holidays were pretty jampacked. I try to remind myself that God has a plan for me, everyday - not to worry cos He's looking out for me; but well, sometimes I feel like I've been holding my breath, and its a highly uncomfortable feeling, if you're holding it for too long. But hey, life goes on. goodnight (: back to top?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009 @ 15:52 Oh my god. I swear I'm a darn LOSER-NERD-GEEK-whoprobablyshouldhavebeenbornaboy. BUT I DON'T CARE. I'M LIKE SUPER TTM EXCITED FOR X-MEN ORIGINS:WOLVERINE TO COME OUT CAN!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. back to top?
Sunday, March 22, 2009 @ 09:51 Its been awhile.. I am soooo bloody glad for the fact that my ass of a brother bought the macbook a new charger - my charger's been so out there, ergo I had to use the bloody acer. WTF. Its bloody acer only cos you can't get ANYTHING done there, but it does have a HUMONGO amount of memory space, but whatever. I can't even use microsoft word, but I can on the MAC. (hahahah~ frucking irony). SO I'M FINALLY BACK TO WHERE I BELONG. buttttttttttt. The fact that HE bought the charger means that HE gets crontol (yes, purposefully misspelt) the lappy, which means I ONLY GET TO USE IT WHEN HE DOESN'T KNOW I AM. Fruck. ITS RUBBISH. Why? Cos well, the acer was actually mine from my mom, whilst the macbook is hers but then i needed the mac for ~~fun and cos its sooo preeetty~~ practicality - my projects and homework come out fabulous - so i ended up with the mac from my mom and the acer was hers. Getting the flow of things? But since THEY (i say THEY in reference to my mom, dad and other mom aka brother.) think that i'm too stuck on the comp and well, that its the whole hoohah to why I am in my current predicament, which frankly is just utter rubbish. Well not utter, but still rubbish. ANYWHO. Cos he bought the charger, he controls it - fair and simple right? FRUCK. Anyways, there are bigger problems in this world Jan, like ~~redoing my room~~ world hunger and poverty in Africa, womens rights (or lackthereof). It just feels good to be back on the Mac. Especially since it doesn't take as much effort trying to type in the MAC as it does on the acer, what with four keys missing. Letter keys, mind you. HAHAHA. anyways. After living slothily the past few weeks - it was almost like a project for me; "LETS SEE IF I CAN CLUTTER MY ROOM SO MUCH I HATE LIVING IN IT!!!" it was really bad, really. I mean there were clothes strewn all over, used socks from whenever, so much dust bunnies that I should open a pet store, everything everywhere. GAH. I mean, BAD. But now its okay again. YAY! I was watching STYLISTA online (fabfabfab show, its like a competition where they compete for a spot in Elle as Jr Editor. DAMN FUNNY) and cleaning my room - FEEELS GOOD. But I really should go to haji lane and get some stuff for my room. Today? hahahah. I wanna. Wanna come with? OH VELL. Le Mars Holydays have been really interesting. MONDAY: DRAMAandmovies. TUESDAY: Lessons, DRAMA and more movies. WEDNESDAY: Chalet at DOWNTOWNeast, ZOMG, weird good fun! THURSDAY: Chalet and reading lit and LAZINGAROUND. FRIDAY: Meet my babes and went to BOTANIC GARDENS & ESPLANADE! SATURDAY: Lazing around, cleaning up my room. SUNDAY: well it kinda just begun! Lots of work to do, thanks to some mofos. I mean seriously. You already gave us books to read, and a pretty thick one at that and still you give us work? RIGHT AFTER MSAs? ARGH. But that's MOE for you... spirit fingers So post-holiday resolutions? Push all the drama out of my life. I really don't need it anymore. Try and have fun, study consistently and well, EXCEL. You can party in Paris jans. ((: Happy endhols all (: back to top?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009 @ 22:00 nataliedee.com I THINK there's a plan for us all right? I hope there is. The EMM ASS EHs are here and well, I'm hoping i do OKAY to say the least! There's a lot of shit going on right now but well, as we all know, I can't be ungrateful for all the not-shit things happening to me. OHVELL. I have this horrigible migrain, which i have NO IDEA where it comes from. AND well, I'm so scared I have nothing to write for the HISTORY EMM ASS EHs. Though its only like, short answer questions, I hope hope hope i do okay - gives me hope of the future. To anyone having a bad day, hang in there (: back to top?
Tuesday, March 03, 2009 @ 03:45 That was when I ruled the world.. Its been an interesting time - school, life, the full monty. I don't know - to some extent, something is truly bugging me, but I just can't figure out what. Eitherway, we live - right? I was doing Zhou's homework the other day; its a poem by E.E Cummings, who by far is the writer of some of the most profoundly beautiful poetry I've read, AND at the same time, who is by far the most ~~fuckerific~~ complex poet to interpret. The poem's 'somewhere I have never travelled'. somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond any experience,your eyes have their silence: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near your slightest look will easily unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose or if your wish be to close me, i and my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow carefully everywhere descending; nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals the power of your intense fragility:whose texture compels me with the color of its countries, rendering death and forever with each breathing (i do not know what it is about you that closesand opens; only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands Nice ~~orjustfuckingcheem~~ eh? When I first read it, i interpreted it to be of the relationship between parent and child. But well, as usual the ~~onewaystreetwhichneverfailstoinfuriateme~~ teacher feels very strongly that its of the relationship between man and lover - WHICH I don't exactly refute, because it seems like a sound interpretation. Cummings, oh Cummings - parent & child or man and lover, its still a beautiful testament of love no? I still did what I usually do - i googled different reviews on the poem, and I'm glad to say that the idea of parent and child is actually considered out there. I'm glad because it means that I'm not wrong and at the same time, it comforts me to think that its an accepted theory as can you imagine if it came out at A Levels and I sit in the disposition which I was in? Gosh, i shiver to think. Anyways, sometimes I get infuriated with myself for keeping myself in this school for yet another year. I mean its not like I hate SAJC, but there are things that simply drive me up the wall. The worst part is that I have to swallow it all, even if it means swallowing a ball of spikes - all in the name of a good testimonial and in hopes of chasing my dreams. I'm having a difficult time, somewhat, cos well, I think she's already formed her own perspective of me, when she doesn't even know who I am. Taking things for face value? How ironic, considering her major. I SWEAR - its screwed up. I try and try, but my patience can only go for so long. TWO YEARS jan - what were you thinking. I swear, if you had told me of the stakes earlier, I would've escaped this predicament, by all means and costs! hahaha, welcome to vague land! adios. yet another day of school awaits. back to top?