I had the most amazing day today.

By amazing, I really mean amazing, as in...I am left amazed at so many things. Like for instance, the psychotic number of fan girls who went for Shinee's fan signing. And the stupidity some people exude. And the fact that... well, not everything was so sweet.

BUT. I have to credit, that several lovely things happened today.

Today(and the night before), I went to firqin's house and we had some fun watching and stalking people online and watching GLEE'S LAST EPISODE! Yes still super depressed that have to wait till APRIL before we get to see what happen's next!!!

I had a little bit of fun waiting in the crowd, shouting and cheering....macam...syiok? hahahaha Yes its damn sick but OH WELL.

I watched the IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS which was really really freaking awesome to watch - especially if you're into HOT GUYS and beautiful colours etc. And Heath, dear dear heath!

AND THE BEST PART OF MY DAY, was making some awesome and random friends along the way!!!! <3

Sigh. Long day.

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I just watched this movie. And I really loved it. It wasn't like magnificent oscar type, but it was awesome enough. It was really really, just what I needed this Saturday morning.

Anyways, let's move away from yesterday's....whatever it was. I just needed to purge it out of my system.

I'm on a Brit-girl-band-whatnots binge! My song of the moment is Fight for this Love by Cheryl Cole. Its wicked. And if you watch the video, I swear, she's gorgeous, especially at the 3:15 mark onwards. I love it.

Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quitings out of the question
When it gets tough gotta fight some more

Cheesy, but I love it nonetheless.

And well, due to this song, I went back oldschool to my favourite girlbands like Sugababes. Some songs from them really changed me someway or helped me through my growing up, or was just really fun to dance to in the room at night.

Ugly

I remember, when I discovered this song, I was taken. I was in Cedar still, in Zen class for sure, whether it was 3Z or 4Z I'm still unsure. But yeah, I loved it. I let everyone I knew listen to it, and I even used it in a presentation. I think it affected me deeply cos of the age I was at; with adolescence comes insecurities and fear, pressures and expectations. This just gave me that little bit of comfort I thought everyone should have.

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you

Too Lost In You

This was the amazing song ~ circa...Love Actually. And of course I really loved that movie so very much. But eitherway, that song, was...well, I can understand it. Especially remembering my heart's devotion to a particular person at aged fourteen or fifteen. Hahah. Even listening to it now, hits the spot.

You look into my eyes
I go out of my mind
I can't see anything
Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself
I can't break the spell
I can't even try

Push The Button

Aaaah yes, this song. Not only did I DANCE AROUND IN MY ROOM to it, imagined all the scenes that could happen, daydream with the song in the background, but it also almost always accompany me everytime I like some guy. Heh. You'll know I'm dreaming in cloud nine if the song's playing. I mean seriously, its just superduper fun and it just makes my adrenaline pump! Hahah.

I'm busy throwing hints that he keeps missing
Don't have to think about it
I Wanna kiss and
Everything around it but he's too distant
I wanna feel his body
I can't resist it

Yes, with lyrics like that..... hahahah.

About You Now

Seriously, I don't need to say so much about it. A movie plays in my head everytime I listen to this song. With or without Mutya Buena, the song is still an amazing one to listen to.

Can we bring yesterday back around?
Cause i know how i feel about you now.
I was dumb, i was wrong, i let you down.
But i know how i feel about you now.

All that it takes, one more chance.
Don't let our last kiss be our last.
Give me tonight and i'll show you.

I know everything changes, i dont care where it takes us.
Cause i know how i feel about you.

SIGH.

I do not just listen to pop/mainstream, but I'm not going to lie - I love it. <3

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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This is my honest and sincere feeling. The truth. Veritas, the only way I know.

I honestly honestly feel so god darn lonely. I'm not kidding. Lonely. It's the worst feeling. I hate that I call on the same pool of people, so I won't be alone. I hate it more that I text a whole set of people, waiting for the one who's free to hang out, free to text me back, almost excited when I get replies. I hate it most, when I realize that those around me always have someone, or at the very least a fallback. I lost mine. I lost her to the depths of tomorrow, and I'm never getting her back. So yes, I feel extremely lonely. I hate it when I'm told I've got tonnes of friends.. because I really don't think I do. I have tonnes of acquaintances; that's different. I glow in envy, when I see people around me - fallbacks and all - always having and making plans. I feel so left out, and at the same time, I feel as if I'm missing out. I know I almost never mention this, but I really really miss my friends from yesteryears. I miss the clique-y; I miss them so much that my heartaches when I realize how much time changes everything. I miss Kings, so so much. Life was so much different with them, we stuck together, thick and thin. We shared our laughter, our love, our sadness, our lives. Sure it wasn't always fun and games, but at least I had something. I miss miss miss miss miss Syafiqah. How weird it was that we could spend everyday at school together, write telepathic letters to one another, but now, we barely even speak. I miss Adel. I miss 3sops1alto. Nowadays, in a room full of people, I feel alone. I really do. I pretend nothing's wrong, but I do. But its not just old bonds that I miss - my friends now are also sorely yearned for. I feel them slipping away - you could be next to me, but I feel like you're miles and miles away from here. Friday nights, this is when the utter state of my loneliness is highlighted to me, because therein lies the weekend. A stark reminder of how I'm always the one reaching out to people, making the plans, rather than be planned for. Trust me, even I'm amazed at how much I feel like I'm walking this path, a lone ranger.

I don't tell people I feel this way, cos I've got no one to tell.

Maybe I am disillusioned, maybe I just ask for too much, or just emotional. Maybe I'm just not counting my lucky stars.

But it is genuinely how I feel.

To think there was a time I was taken for granted. Compared to this, I'd rather feel under-appreciated.

THE ONLY THING that managed to perk up my otherwise bleak Friday night, was Edna. Random but true. We talked and chatted for almost 3 hours? It was fun. Like, unprejudiced and chat chat about the most random things.

Thank God for her.

Labels: Reveries

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Did you know, my Backspace button doesn't work? Farking annoying, I swear. 0.o Its really a hassle to delete things or errors. AAAH, AND I THINK i can't help myself but make more errors in this situation. HAHA. Classik jaye.

Anyways, yes, I willed my Sunday away. It wasn't long till I realised I had homework! SIIIIGH! Hahaha, yes in true Jannah fashion. Last minute society. I swear. Saturday was lovely, sunday was lazy. I think its a pattern. But I don't care. Its kinda fun! :D Slowly, I think I'm finding some sort of peace with myself. Hah. Some sort. But better than no sort eh? Tuesday's e-learning, which really means FREEDOM! hahah, away from the clutches of the school.

I love that photo. If you're an avid reader, you'll know I love roaming through the photography pages of deviantart. <3 it. And well, I love this photo so very much. Not just the colours, etc, but its just the whole idea. I really really love carousels. It reminds me of the days where life was so much simpler, and at the same time, it is just so magical eh? For like 3 to 5 minutes of your life, your life just spins and all you see is colours, the person next to you, and nothing else is real. Everything just...disappears. The last time I rode a carousel was when I was...14? I think. But yeah, whatever. There's a lovely carousel at the ZOO, which I really really wanna go on, someday. Perhaps with someone special? Or just those I really love.

Another day of school tomorrow. Aiyer. Goodluck shimmy-ing my way through tomorrow!

Labels: Life as it happens, School

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I've had this song stuck in my head for the longest time. I was singing it the other day in class and I was so happy someone knew what I was singing ~ Amy! It makes me remember a shared past I have with other people. I mean, of course it isn't actively shared, but like the nostalgia of remembering that I was once in love with All Saints and so were many other people coupled with the fact that there are people who have no idea who they are...reminds me yet again how fast time moves.

I don't wanna waste my life away wishing and wanting for things that aren't gonna happen. I don't wanna live in regret, or in incompletion. I wanna live my life as I know it.

I had a lovely saturday! I slept in, watched tv and in the evening met up with some of my S26 people for dinner and games! Suprendo! What's on for Sunday, is still a mystery. But like I said, I'm not gonna live stagnant. Life is the only thing I'll get to experience anyways, so I might as well give it my best shot!

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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"Can't anybody, find me, somebody to love"

"Smile, though you're heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking"

"I see your true colours shining through, so don't be afraid"

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one; I hope someday you will join us, and the world will be as one"

"Maybe this time, for the first time, love won't hurry away"

"Don't stop believing, just hold on to this feeling"

"Nobody can rain on my parade"

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you find, you get what you need"

And that my friends is what glee has taught me to hold on to, and I will <3

Labels: Reveries

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This is me, saying thank buddha for Friday. In like... 4 hours. And then it'll be a whole rush of ONE whole day of shit, then its home, sleep and the weekend starts. Thank god. I can't wait. I've had enough of feeling like crap. I need to recuperate during the weekend.

Labels: Life as it happens, School

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It's almost 2 weeks, and I'm surviving.

Two weeks, no shit.

And soon two will turn to four, which then will become ten and that will turn to months and months, and hopefully, before you know it, he'll become a distant memory of my past.

At least I hope so.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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There is sorrow and there is ache; where it feels as if all is lost, and nothingness is all there is to exist. An ache in the heart of which its origins will remain forever unknown. An ache, not at all due to love, or of which the entirety of the ache is not all due to love. The weight of the night is felt upon my heart, as if to pull me down to drown into an ocean of incompletion. It is now, that I write the saddest lines, for it is sincere, and felt upon every fibre of my being, every breath of my soul. I cannot say what it is that pains me, for it is not what, nor whom, nor which, but instead all that is. The sorrow I feel is intrinsic, and it takes every drop of strength left in my being to purge it. Purge it from myself. Purge, myself.


Bright Star ~ John Keats

Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art--
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--
No--yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath

Labels: Reveries

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Yummy. I had island creamery today. Shoot me, but its my FIRST time there. Yummy. I had a mini baked alaska and a scoop of HORRRRLICKS. Which is to me the best flavor of icecream there. SO syiok.


You know the feeling of joy, and relief someone feels? Well, I'm feeling EXACTLY that, when it comes to school. Like totally. I mean, all my H2s are done with, can you believe, and its ONLY tuesday.

I'm gonna sleep early <3

"WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU, makes you stronger".

Labels: School

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You're much much harder to forget than I thought. Heaven forbid.

Sigh.

Anyways, the first week of school's been going great. Really. I mean, yes, stressful, somewhat, but it's great to meet my friends though. It's kinda the whole reason I was excited to be back in school again anyways. So yeah.

Sent Julien off on thursday - what a sappy affair, and well I'm glad I did send her off (:

Anything else? Well not much. I actually haven't the heart to continue blogging; thoughts about him flood my mind, and well, it's just something I have to do. For me.

So I leave you with the awesome David Gray. Cos I feel this song, I feel it and love it with every fibre of my being, this current January.

Labels: Life as it happens, School

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I see a future.

For once I see a future. My future.

Today was the first day of school. First day of drama, of hope, of friends, of AWESOMENESS! Really. I know, part of me was scared of the future to be - I mean there's so much that I have to do, and time is just constantly moving. Yet I have high hopes; I have hopes that this year, though hard and possibly unbearable, will be a good year. I have hopes that I'll enjoy what I learn, and love what I do, and hopefully, come out on top. I'm really so very happy of my first day. It truly is great - I guess it's that buzzing energy that fills me from within. The, "i have the world at my fingertips" feeling.

You may say that I'm just setting myself out for disappointment; that tomorrow will be different, and then what? But I'm ready for it. I'm empowered. I'm ready to have a good time, and well, counting my lucky stars. For there are so many. From the fact that I'm not in a war-torn country, the fact that I'm not oppressed, the fact that I'm able to receive an education. So many things.

I am happy, I am blessed. I am grateful. There will come a day when I feel like crap, but for now, my soul's in a right place.

As for the matters of the heart..

I know, I said this months before. I've told myself a 1000 times. But this time, I think I really have to. It's really a great feeling when thoughts of him come into my head. It's a great feeling when I feel so special, like he's shared a part of himself with me, that he's not shared with any other. But I can't go on thinking about him any longer ~ I have a future, and for now, he's most likely not in it; I just have to learn to accept it. It's going to be hard. Real hard. Really, really hard. But I can do it. The first step to obliterate him from my heart, mind and soul is to not put myself in the vulnerable position I usually do. I honestly feel so happy that I felt the way I did for him, that I was able to feel so strongly for someone, the way I did. But it's enough. It's time I get real. So the first step, is to stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

there was an opening, but the door's shut now.

And I'm ready, to continue this buzzing happiness I feel.

Labels: Reveries, School

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I know, I didn't do the..."oh 2009 was like....." or the "MY RESOLUTIONS FOR 2010 IS....". But well I was busy, doing things with my family, my last days of work, and well kinda having a life outside of this online realm ~ too busy to post regularly.

But I guess I'm ready for it. TWENTY-TEN. A few years ago, I had not planned to still be in school. I planned to work, and well go to South Africa. Bagpacking. RRRRright. Didn't happen. WELL, I'll look forward to 2011 with the girls! (:

What do I expect?

I expect that my engine's gonna stall a bit, and it's gonna take a while to start-up. To fall into that static life of studying, work, school, routine. I figure it's gonna be an uphill struggle for these first few weeks, and maybe even for a month or so. I also expect that I'm gonna hit many potholes, where I feel like curling up on my bed rather than doing my essay (LIKE I FEEL NOW! *sobs*), or going out and having fun. BUT, I'll remember all my dreams and goals, and constantly remind myself what my priorities should be.

prioritize.

EVERYTHING will fall into place, when I do what's right, at whatever time it requires to be done. Prioritize.

Then, I can still have a whopping 2010, have fun and hopefully do very very well too, right? I sure do hope so (:

I really hope the new semester will go as awesomely as possible. Honest.

GOD'S SPEED, GENTLEMEN.

P/S: I leave you with the fabulous scene from the awesome movie, The Usual Suspects

>

Adieu.

Labels: Reveries, School

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I was told,


"...sometimes, you've gotta love what's good for you"

Labels: Reveries

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love love me do, you know I love you. I'll always be true, so please please please.. Love me do

For not so many reasons, I feel sad, angry and out of it. I've been counting the days, and now it feels like nothing good will come out of it. You're supposed to be happy, yet that's not what I feel. Like what hearts said, "They'll never turn out as you expect them to".

Anyways, i'm trying to live my life before I return back into the battlefield. Am soooo not excited for that. Really. I'm excited to be back into a life of system, rather than chaos, but i'm still scared.

tell me, will this feeling go away?

I was listening to Beatles.. Oh how insightful.

Sigh.

Labels: Reveries

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