Okay, you know what, enough with the emo-ing! I must say i'm very happy cos friday was a HAPPY day. mostly lah! By golly, the pain in my mouth didn't subside (it was the main cause of any sort of sorrow!!)... but well other than that, the day was F-I-N-E fine!

Thanks so much to the peeps who tried truly madly deeply to cheer me up (especially GREAT - aiya, you want me to turn into a paedophile ah? later i love syahin how? tsk tsk! ahhah) lol... i really wasn't psycho pissed at anything in particular, just that the ache in my mouth really shut down my happiness factor! >.< ANYWAYS, so well, after trials, and all that shiz, and worrying how they gonna pick 30 out of 60 girls who tried, i can finally say i'm a TOUCH RUGGER!! hahaha, no longer "oh, i'm trying for touch, but i'm not sure yet..." i'm IN! hahahah, sooo happy. Man, i was so worried, i started sourcing out for other ccas, and telling myself stories to convince myself that i don't like touch (WHICH IS SO NOT TRUE!!) Haix! I know its gonna be tough and all, i mean, running everywhere, technique training, conditioning (which i'll prolly be doing much of!) and all that, and definitely tiring, but i'm pretty sure its what i want. And as the saying goes, if there's a will, there's a way!! And looking at the other girls who made it through trials, i think i'm gonna have a good time. PLUS, not to mention, my coach is offering those who wants, to participate in CONTACT, which means an extra day of training on top of the usual 2 days, BUT c'mon, i'm so in love with contact! More than touch lah, which is why i've been wishing that i could do contact....and now i can! HAHAH... ah.. i'm a ladyrugger. or ladyrug. sounds like Ladybug. HAHAH... It totally cheered me up by leaps and bounds when i was told. :D Another thing that got me all loopy was that i get to get BOOTS! hahahah, which i did ( ok its sooo materialistic of me, but i just can't help it!). I got Pumas, which is supposed to be uber NEW, just came in 2 days ago? yeah, but don't care.. PREETY PRETTY! (: Black white plus red! but i'm scared its a wee bit big. i mean, just a WEE bit. but i think i go back tmr or something and go see... Other than that, i managed to find .. hell i lost my chain of thought. ARH..... Friday, friday what happened on friday???????????? ahhhhhhhhhhh.....help me out leh, anyone. What made me happy????? hahaha thats so weird, asking people to remind me. AIYA, if i can lose my head, i'm sure i would've done so LONG ago.. i hate not remembering things.. OOOOOH i rememeber now! as i was saying, i managed to find a new group of people to do my PDOUBLE-U on. I mean, really i swear, i really believe (hahah i'm tooting my own horn now, so if you don't wanna hear i beg of you, scroll down) my first draft was good, like SUPRENDE! hahah i mean, in the sense, it was apt, i gave many details, etc.. but still ms hon wanted me to change it cos she was afraid that finding substantiation for my thing was going to be difficult or not concrete enough. HAIX.. so yeah i did another one, and it was beautiful... i couldn't concentrate on finding it on thursday night, all because of the stupid pain in my mouth.. getting so bad that at 22:30 i cannot tahan anymore my dad brought me to the 24hr Clinic at our house. He gave me painkillers to subside the pain, but said he couldn't find anything wrong (in his field of medicine) so he told me to visit the dentist >.< But well the painkillers really helped.. it didn't IMMEDIATELLY help, but after half an hour to and hour or so, the pain died down tremendously! HURRAH FOR MEDICINE :) so yeah, though i slept at THREE-THIRTYam (again, bloody*^#@%$#$#%) but i'm happy that i was able to give her a pretty okay piece of work. But my original PI is gonna have a special place in my heart... awww.... hahahahha so so so.. what else ah? Hmmm, ah, i went to the dentist this morning. For those who knows, they're prolly gonna have a huge laugh at me now. Tell you first - i thought i was developing HandFoot&Mouth Disease you know! i mean the symptoms are fever, followed by sores inside the mouth after around 2 days.. and if its really bad, you get rashes on feet and hands etc.. SO IMAGINE MY PARANOIA! i was like, wth wth wth what the hell! everyone thinks it happens only to children, but i checked it happens to adults, very rarely. SO WORRIED SIA. End up, i just had a gum infection at my lower left wisdom tooth. (okay, my upper ones haven't grown out yet) I MEAN SERIOUSLY, NOTHING GREAT about being wise when it gives you sores. AND eh, don't even begin to think i don't take care of my teeth... i'll kena you from here!! ahahah anyways, my wisdom tooth on both sides are overlapped by some gum at the back part of the tooth, so apparently, since its really hard to clean, there was a build-up of undesirables >.< which led me to have a gum infection. Plus, the fact that the both my wisdom teeth isn't properly aligned with the rest of teeth, my upper jaw tends to bite the gums or the cheeks around it. Since the dentist thinks that it may not have fully fully grown out yet, she advices me to give it more time to grow out (its been there forever lah. really meh will grow summore?) so it can push the gums aside and be proper. If not, she advices extracting it. Lol, all that matters to me, is that the pain goes away, my teeth be healthy again, and my dental hygiene is a-ok!


I don't know why so many people fear going to the dentist... I ABSOLUTELY love going! i mean, i love getting all the bad stuff out of the way, and keeping it healthy.. seriously IF i can go dentist even more times then twice a year, i would. (:


Oh, yah, i remembered something. On Friday there was a parents' dialogue session, where the parents are kind of "inducted" to the school. Proud parents of saints... yeah...ehem. hahah, so instead of going home i just waited for dad and went for the session with him. It starts at 6.30 =.="... Whilst waiting, i caught a glimpse of the ruggers training, they usually do so on the astroturf, but today it was on sajc grounds. Astroturf is at sas. OMG lah, they look so freaky. In this cool cool way. They were wearing something on their heads with tubes and stuffs, like omg omg. And their coaches..fuyoh, i'd like to be one of them one day (the coach i mean)...RESPECT sia. Gotta love saints rugby.. I mean, loyalty and all that. It is our school's pride & joy anyways. I really hope that they bring back the title and all that, but like jeg says, its a tough one, for these coming years. Cos acs ib is uber good this year, and next year, saints doesn't have the benefit of the uber pro - the ones since don't know when have been playing rugby. I guess the coaches really really plan out tough trainings, cos of all the newbies. They can't afford to do the progressive trainings, with the little time they've got, so they're WHIPPING them into shape.


Oh, my camera was really good on friday, which meant i had some really good pictures - the lighting, the angles, somehow i managed to produce really pretty ones! i'll post them in a bit.

Oh, well. Pretty long post ah!


Anyways.. I'VE GOT LOADS OF WORK TO DO!! haix. i'm so good, i mean, i'm so much less FANGIRLY, which actually kills me inside, but what to do!!!


hahahah

aja aja all!

~jaye back to top?

footnote: once again its not jannah here. her BELOVED is taking over this post(: so you gotta tahan me! HOHO.

back to top?

shitty day.


very very shitty. My mood is very horrid, i have to struggle to keep a nice calm tone. really.. if you talk to me now in real life, its very likely i'd snap back at you about something.

my heart still damn pain. so sian lah.

It really isn't my day today, i mean really. arh, i could scream, but my mouth hurts too much (i can see all you all cheering 0.o) I'll probably be this heart pain tmr, and in an even greater bad mood.

Must work hard to smile, be nice, and not make enemies tmr!

oh my daughter has come online! she could make me feel better.

lufluf! back to top?

OHgaahh. OHgaahh.

A long time ago, Starhub On-demand had this really sad Jap movie called Nobody Knows.. I wanted to watch but cannot, cos you have to PAY to watch -_-"

BUT mysoju.com has added it! HURRAH..

did i mention, there's a really hot boy in the film? Like, now he's especially hot, since he's already 18. xP


YUYA YAGIRA

And the latest movie he acted in is called Sugar & Spice~Fuumi Zekka ARHHH, i'm sooo gonna watch it!! Its out a long time ago, but still.. i can't wait to go get the DVD or wait for mysoju.com to upload it!!!


SUGAR & SPICE ~ What little girls are made of (English Title) back to top?

Imagine my shock.

Apparently earlier today, a South Korean teen got stabbed to death in Sydney. The worser part, the culprits are also Asian; so apparently it has something to do with underground Asian gangsters. Gees. The boy is only 2 years older than me, imagine simply losing your life. Imagine, his parents; with wishful hopes that by sending their son to a university overseas, he'd have received the best education he deserved, hopefully attain the success he deserves.

Aish, the world too full of crap.

Did i mention, the victim is the brother of South Korean actor, Lee Dong Gun. Not that that adds value to the boy's death or anything. But, now, the media will be in bigger frenzy. Comes with the territory, i guess. Still, poor thing. Its never nice to suffer a loss, i just hope the media would let the dude mourn in peace. Haix..To think just hours ago i was contemplating about family and loss.... Lee Dong Gun, fighting!

Anyone who wants more info should go here:
http://shenyuepop.com/2008/03/21/lee-dong-guns-brother-stabbed-to-death-in-sydney/

If you're wondering about Lee Dong Gun, he acted in movies like My boyfriend is Type B and series like Sweet 18 ..

By the way, i got the down-low from syafiqah's blog first! back to top?

Okay, i know the timing of my earlier post is, well in the Ante-Meridian, but i fell asleep and woke up when my dad brought home lunch. I woke up from a bad dream. It was a sad dream, more than anything else.

I dreamed that my eldest brother, had a sort of disease or illness, and there was no way he could be healed. And somehow, he made the decision to (this part is a little fuzzy in my head) basically induce his death; not exactly pull the plug on his life, but to simply, i don't know, logically it would be like, moving away from meds, simply not doing anything anymore to preserve whatever life he has left.

When he was leaving, i got him a book. I wrote a very elaborate sad letter inside, and i was crying so much. And i wrapped the book, and my father wrote something on the wrapping paper. Something along the lines of "i'll love you always". Then on a motorbike, he left. (The exeunt is soooo Adam, i mean, the motorbike and all..)

Gahh, i woke up, like always, with my stomach in my mouth, my heart beating fast, my eyes, searching, where i was, which reality is this. And i went to my brother's room (not the same brother) and my heart started to beat a little slower, just remembering that everything was as it was. I went back to my room and began to cry and cry and cry.. Just the thought of losing a loved one, the thought of how i never showed how grateful i am, the thought of how all the bickering, the fights, the "i hate you"s thrown at each other doesn't matter; because in the end of the day, it truly becomes apparent how much you really love each other.

It really is all just so dumb, isn't it?

I keep on wondering to myself, will anyone appear in my funeral? What would my parents do? Would they tell my friends? Would they know which ones to tell? Would my friends not come at all? Would my friends only know days, weeks, or even years from then? Would there be anyone who would salvage my memory?

Being the person i am, i will. I will be there, whoever's funeral, and i'd do everything to make sure they're remembered.


But also, being the person i am, I'd rather be the one lost, to being the one to have lost. Because i don't think i can take the pain of losing a person dear to me, friend or family.


jj

P.s: Happy Birthday Rasullulah. Or as most people would rather i say, selamat menyambut maulidur rasul back to top?

image by *TrixyPixie from Deviant art

You know how sometimes, you get bored and somehow, without even realising it, you're doing quiz after quiz after quiz? You know that it probably isn't accurate, and sometimes you roll your eyes at people who do these quizzes, be it facebook or blogthings, all the time. But once you start, you can't stop.

so here, i shall share a quiz i did on blogthings - What is it that makes me a good friend.
I wonder if my friends actually agree with it (:

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Loyal

You stick with your friends no matter what, even if you feel like they're doing the wrong thing. You believe in letting people figure out their own path in life. It's not your place to interfere. And part of your loyalty means that you'll do a lot for your friends. You definitely go the extra mile. You'll even do great things for friends without them asking. After all, that's what friendship is all about. You are truly a friend for life. And you have friends you've known since you were a kid. Your friends can count on you to do a favor, remember a birthday, or just be there to listen. Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else You really can't be friends with: Fickle people who change friends quickly Your friendship quote: "Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows."

On my facebook page, i realised i did a quiz about smiles - what smile do you have. And the weird thing is its very true. I smile a lot, and i smile in truth; sincerely from the heart. So that was pretty cool.

OH, and not to forget, one on love *HEARTS*

Haha its so true, i fall in love easily, passionately, and sincerely, doing things for the one i love without having to be asked.

HAIX, i'm so nice man! *laugh* Ya, i joke, i joke.


I found godiva on facebook (: And no, i did not type in godiva. Duh. Hahaha.. He's pretty cute (:
to add, or not to add, That is the question. haha, mr shake would be proud!

Oh, by the way, i'm doing OTHELLO for lit! According to Ms Corrie Tan, it was filled with loads of sex ;)
I wonder if my poor Lit teacher can handle it. I mean, seriously she so poor thing. With people like Han bullying her (not in the worst way lah) she really looks like a defenseless puppy. How in the world is she gonna evoke as much passion as the text requires? hahaha, i shiver thinking bout it. back to top?

Wow (:

I just took down the post right before this - it was too frustrating to have online and I don't want anyone thinking its a personal attack entry. So for the time being, I'll keep it off the blog.

Anyways.

Tomorrow is Good Friday, which means I get to wake up late! Thank God, really. This whole week has been one that is so busy, with so much work to do and everything else of that sort, so I'm thankful that i can take a breather, if only for the weekend.

Evaluation of the first week of term 2? Hectic, Humorous, GP-fied
Worst part about it? This is truly how its going to be like for the rest of my JC life

I have been contemplating on what CCA i should join, and i am very persistent that i should stick to touch rugby. Maybe a few years before, just means that i'm getting the CCAs i want. But now, since around 66 girls attended some of the Touch Rug training, they have to sieve through during trials and pick out about HALF the number. Arh. >.<

Other than CCA, I've got PUS to think about. I'm lucky (i guess?) to be picked as one of the three main presenters during our school's presentation, during the event. I mean, in a way i'm not sure because there'll be a lot of pressure on me, BUT i'm happy, cos i really wanted this. I do I do I do oooh.

After spending the whole weekend trying (attempting) my hardest to refrain from anything Fangirl-y, i allowed myself to watch some of their videos online. OH MY GOODNESS, it really is a drug, at least for me. Once i start, i can't stop. I get obsessive about things like this, i fear of what i'd be like as an adult. I mean, i can't really be all giggly and moved by everything to the point where i can't sleep without dreaming about them! No, the real world, doesn't work that way. Haix.

So, there's this video i wanna share. Its basically them answering some online fan mail, like a forum ish email ish thing! And it really did brighten up my mood by many many shades.



Haha, gosh i really really do adore them.

I hope to be able to fulfil my dreams, as much as they did for themselves.


Oh, previously mentioned: One of the biggest things that happened just yesterday, was that they lost?misplaced? my grandmother. When my aunt came back home, my granny wasn't there. 0.o scared me so much. I mean, apparently about like 8pm-ish they found her. Like as though she went for a walk and nothing happened. My grandmother is old, and might not be rational at all. Listening to her changed accounts about what happend, its just way too weird. Cos none of them really makes any sense at all.


SO yeah.





sleeeeeeepppppppyyyzzzzzzzzzzzz back to top?

Oh, my god, i am sooo full of shit. Like about five minutes ago, i just said i'm too beat to update, but then i got thinking about one of the factors that made my day today, and got all girlish and excited!!! hahah!

Ok so i shall focus on only ONE THING aite!

So today, whilst waiting for the dummy CHEEKEN to finish dance (that eejit ah, i wait so long sia! then in the end i go home myself still!!!!!!! @#$%^&* ..XD) i was just hanging around lah. So guess what, i saw GODIVA!! (like seriously, i had a great day filled with lots of lame jokes and all, and i was selected as one of the three presenters for PUS, so could my day get ANYMORE BETTER THAN that?) Obviously, it did lah! ahahha. Gosh, seeing godiva is one thing, but he also SMILED :D HAHAH. So i smiled back and i spoke to him (: Lol, as farina says, Ambil kesempatan ah, (malay for taking advantage of the oppurtunity) but haha might as well. Lol, but the bummer was that it wasn't anything more than a brief exchange of words lasting five seconds? But of course, like anyone in the CA, that five seconds was totally ENOUGH.


Hahah, LOL, i am not head over heels over him, or in love or anything ah, i mean c'mon, that's not only utterly superficial, but I really don't even know the guy. i don't like him or anything, just that he's fun for the eyes hahahah...He could be an arse, but right now, just appreciating one of God's creation (HAHAH YEAH i kid, i kid). HAHAH, lol, i swear, its just the whole phenotype thing (adel's best way of calling physical attraction) hahahhahah.

Oh, i forgot all about it, but to add, earlier, freddo was near, like uber, so i guess my day was a pretty good one altogether. OF COURSE farina is dead jealous, lols. Seriously though, i just keep on crossing paths with all of my mr hottsuffs.



DIY, a crush is defined as an extravagant short-lived romantic attachment. NOTE, the part that applies most to me is the extravagant and shortlived. ahahah, Somehow, i have very few crushes that are real, as in on people who i'm actually not just infatuated with ... wierd lah (:

sooner you'll hear me change victims, oh welll. For now, godiva and freddo! back to top?

omg, once again THANKS syafiqah for the skin!!! I ACTUALLY miss the bright one, cos taeyang tells the world i'm his girl! (: heh... anyways!!!!!



OMG today has been filled, with laughter, joy, pressure, and lots of heartpain.

arh, i'm really beat right now, but i will i will i WILL report back on why this day has been this... EVENTFUL
<3

hahah.. i want a skin filled with ALL THE BBers!! really, especiall one with loads of TOP, ahahha, but of course, the inventor of all my skins would NEVER make it. haix... wishful thinking lah..

smilesfornow! back to top?

back to top?

Just a while ago, i was thinking about friends, life and everything else...and out on a whim, i've decided to do this list.


15 People I'd dodge a bullet for

(In no particular order, whatsoever)

1. Lara
2. Mom
3. Dad
4. Kakak
5. Red
6. Adel
7. Syafiqah (lol, just cos you're number SEVEN, i highlight lah!)
8. Sofia
9. Yirong
10. Uma
11. Mak Tok
12. Adam
13. Hilmi
14. Auntie Noy
15. Didi


wah, if all this people kena shot at the same time, i'm super screwed sia.


Anyways. So much studying to do. I'm like revising tonnes of econs >.<

All my fault for not utilising this holiday to the best of my abilities. BUT if utility in Econs means the satisfaction and pleasure from good/services, then lol, definitely had high high level of utility.

Oh, yesterday went Iceskating with my class, 08S26. Gosh, love love them all. We had a great time, playing catching and all that; its quite crazy >.<

I can say the best friends i've got so far are Anqi Joel and Chee Yang, they've been great. I hope I'll bond more and be better friends with the rest lah. But, all in all, i belong to a pretty great class!

Gosh, the pranks we pulled on Haresh at Pastamania, in mrs foo's words, we ought to be shot! Lol, Haresh, is so utterly funny. Ice-skating with him is super fun and entertaining, for the same reasons he falls on his butt many times >.< He's good fun!
Oh, and we did discover some secret things, more like secret perspectives that the many people in the class share; namely Joel, Luqman, Marissa, Chee Yang, Anqi, etc. Lols.

Rahh, back to work jj, AJA! back to top?

i was tagged by my THE GREAT, i'm supposed to do this!

Happiness Meme:
List ten things that recently made you happy, then tag ten people to do the same.

o1 ~ He still keeps in touch with me, irregardless of distance *grins*
o2 ~ i can still fit in my prom dress *i can see my friends rolling eyes!*
o3 ~ meeting people in my class with such a great sense of humor, CHEEYANG, JOEL, CHIN TAU, ANDRINA, HARESH, etc etc!
o4 ~ my lovely new BASKET 68 PUMAs!!
o5 ~ seeing TOP's face when i switch on my laptop, and TAEYANG's face when i see my blog
o6 ~ seeing freddo and godiva at school 0.o
o7 ~ SE7EN! obviously cos of SE7EN, and all my other korean OBSESSIONS, and having ANQI to gush with!
o8 ~ having friends that are dear to me, namely all TKs.
o9 ~ i'll be meeting all my classmates and chers for ICESKATING! woots! lol
1o ~ I'm happy i can still smile and mean it


it wasn't that difficult, cos when i put my alter-ego away (JENNEEFUR!) and i think of how god has given me many things that i may or may not be appreciative of, i guess the list can go on forever

yes, i'm less emo.

i guess when you put things in perspective, there really are many things in life that can outweigh the bad.

if you can't find it, you're really not looking hard enough.

i hope (: back to top?

Hmm, wishful thinking lah.


He's coming And i'm very excited to meet him again.
gosh.

i'll wait it all out.

(: back to top?

On a much much lighter note

I know i've got some friends who actually read this blog, so yeah, no pitying/worrying/etc-ing allowed. I'm only making some reflections on life.

Oh, as i was saying anyways, on a much lighter note; i have two crushes in school! well, quite a number of eyecandy, but well two crushes.

lets call them;

freddo & godiva!

lol, yes yes, chocolates! hahaha, oh dear. well i don't take these crushes any more seriously than my 12345676543212345678987654323456789876543456789876543234567890 ones, so yeah, no fret.

hahah.

I'M SUCH a crushaholic! back to top?

Seriously, i have no idea what i'm doing in this life. I guess just like everyone else, i have no idea what life has in store for me, no idea which direction the wind will blow next, no idea what i should do, at all. Its as though someone kicked me into a jungle with nothing, not even a compass to show me the way.

I hate feeling clueless, i hate feeling unprepared

I know it may not look like it, but i've prepared myself for everything most of my life; group presentations, project, and have never EVER liked the feeling of being ill-prepared for anything. Yet, many of the things i face in life, i truly wasn't prepared for. At all.

Come to think of it, i am very ashamed. I let my troubles get to me, affecting my livelihood. I never really faced my troubles head on; instead i keep them bottled up- my sadness, my fears, my anger- all in this tiny ticking timebomb just waiting to explode. Just because i wasn't prepared for it, doesn't mean i should hide from it. Why couldn't i be like them; the people who use their adversities as a medium for them to succeed in life. Why had i been so weak?

Maybe its because i'm the youngest of the family.

Ever since i was in kindergarten, everyone i knew thought i had the perfect life. The perfect family, the perfect everything. Yes, when i was four, almost everything seemed so perfect, almost surreal. Almost. I mean, there were some things that wasn't so perfect; but you hide them under the rug - as long as the good outweigh the bad, it won't matter, won't it? When things started to crumble in my life, slowly yet surely, but i never let on. No, i will not disappoint others, i will not let them see past this facade i put on It felt as though no longer having the perfect life would disappoint them.

You know, how it is, when you realise your favourite athelete actually used drugs to fuel their sporting success? Or your favourite actress, who seemed so perfect, actually had plastic surgery? That feeling, of utter disappointment you get, that feeling of betrayal; that was what i feared others would feel when they realise that my life isn't perfect after all. Worse, i didn't want anyone to feel suddenly that they were better than me. I kind of put all this unnecessary pressure on myself, in a way.
Gosh, i'm screwed up that way aren't i?

Its not that i'm emo-ing away, inches from slitting my wrists. I'm really not. But i just want everyone to know, that really nothing is as it seems. I may look happy and enthusiastic 24/7 but really, i'm just hiding how i really feel; I may say everything's alright, but it most probably isn't. I don't show my feelings, cos i don't wanna be seen as weak, or cos i don't wanna be pitied. I've spent enough of my time in self-pity. its time i move on with life and grow up. I'm just human, and i deserve every right to imperfection in my life. Allow me it.

I'll think about it everyday, as i usually do.

I've lived my life for drama, but this is just way too much drama in one lifetime.

I cry at scenes of old people loving each other, living their lives till they die together. Not simply because they touch me,
but because i'm sad that my parents won't have that, they won't share it.

I fear that my fate will end up like my parents, that it'll truly be a vicious cycle.

I'm scared i'll never find anyone willing enough to accept me with all my emotional baggage.

I'm afraid of facing some truths in my life.

I'm only human, and that's what i'm afraid. back to top?

gosh, the previous post that i was about to publish, was superbly emo and confusing. just thought i should keep it to myself.

anyhow, i'm still feeling low.

gosh.

arh, don't wanna talk about it.


thanks syafiqah! you know i love you
happy bday adilah!

till i compose my thoughts, i don't think i can explain the pain i'm feeling inside. back to top?

I think its almost possible that my mother and my msn connection has formed allies! I have been booted off my msn account around 10 times, with sudden lost of internet connection. what the hell! its so horrid.
I talked to jeg and then i got booted off. i talked to sofia and darryl and AGAIN got booted off! then i talked to syafi, oh my, that woman ah, PLEASE LAH I'M NOT GOING OFFLINE AND ONLINE AGAIN TO GET ATTENTION! :P


argh.

who knew msn could be so annoying! so i hope no one thinks that i purposely decided not to stop our conversations for some weird reason.


Anyways.


Today i took on the amazingly challenging task of cleaning my room! i mean seriously, my room is like UBER messy; walking in, you'd think a hurricane just paid a visit to my room! But i'm very proud to say, i managed to clean almost every nook & cranny available in my room! *que standing ovation!*


So wow, life, its been pretty hectic. like seriously. I have been slacking off a little for several days, especially after econs test. Going out with joycelyn, farina, amalina, nadiah, yada yada... The other day, we watched the Leap Years. It wasn't the best movie; you couldn't feel the passion actually. BUT, the story behind it is very sweet. Good story, just not so great presentation. Anyhow, farina cried, joycelyn cried, i cried, nadiah cried. Hahahah, we're such girls that way.

This holiday, it just dawned to me, is a very important time for me to catch up with work. Gosh, lots of stuff to be done, i'm quite amazed that people still expect actual human beings to do it. gahh. anyways, i have so much to catch up on, namely mathematics. Who knew maths would be so... hard! My brother says that i'm doing maths at an even higher level than he when he was in JC.
maybe i'm smarter than you (:
Anyhow, i get to use a graphic calculator for maths; a ridiculously expensive and huge calculator that, according to my brother, is an indication that my mathematics is going to be a hell lot harder! and i thought maths was supposed to be chicken's feet?!


About life, i'm so amazed by it. I made a vow when i stepped into jc, that everything's gonna change, that i'm going to change. But, i never knew it'd be so hard. I thought to myself that now, i'm gonna be a different person, that the person who i was years ago, no longer exists. Without realising it though, i'm making jokes that the old me would make, i'm saying things, behaving in ways that the new me shouldn't. Its just so hard. And i ask myself, again and again WHY in the world am i trying to change? Better yet, for whom? Maybe changing, is one way of ensuring that i don't get hurt, that i'd be well liked, that i'd wake up everyday, knowing that everything's in its place. I'm just kidding myself though, aren't i?

old habits die hard? seventeen years count as old, doesn't it?

Why do i have this strong personality, that rubs people the wrong way? Its not like i mean to, i really don't. I know that when i put on this fascade, which happens to rub many poeple the wrong way, that i'm protecting myself, my actual feelings of insecurity, my not knowing how to deal with everything, my inadequacy. But what is so wrong about being inadequate and being insecure? I HAVE every right to feel insecure. Yet i fear that if i let everybody in on this secret, i'd be a disappointment altogether.

i sound like a effing bullet train, rushing all my thoughts into one chunk of words

what i mean is this. When i was a kid, i made myself put on this exterior; one that's happy enthusiastic gungho loud & proud, in hopes..........


oh hell i'm fucked aren't i? back to top?

back to top?

MY LIFE IN PICHAS!

OKAY OKAY.

well this is a PICTURE heavy post! so yeah..

as they say from the sound of music, LET'S start from the very beginning!
(psst, can click for the original size of pictures)































These pictures basically sum up my life so far; my emo hair before cutting it >.<, samuel carrying luqman around, Chin Tau (bday boy) kena tau pok (is that what its called?), the stick (YIRONG) across the road, us at the AJC INTERhouse play supporting, spending time in the aj toilet, with the best ACTOR (NOTE: gender is MALE!) in the competition, new shoes!, people acting cute >.<, ramen ten!, at PS celebrating syafiqah's bday, taking pictures of babies in the nursing room, and many more...


life's good, and adapting to it gets easier as the day passes..
so much to talk about but not much time.. oh well.

till next time,

adios! back to top?

Lol.
firstly...


THANKS MANY MANY TO SYAFIQAH! LOL, for the fact that she made this bright uber KYO skin for me... haha, i have to say, i'm not a fan of bright happy fangirl kind of skins, but THIS ONE, is an exception. I mean, come on, it has TAE YANG everywhere! ahahahah.


So, so, well today, is less emo than yesterday (omg lah, yesterday like UBER emo can?!). I had lessons as usual; maths (like i said, lost chicken without the head anyone?), chem (all about the orbitals, SPDF!), econs (WHAT THE HELL?! I studied for a test and worried like siao, in the end only 5 MCQ QUESTIONS!)... bridging (we did some redox & titration..) so yeah lah, all was fine. But what was most fun was like playing soccer with the guys; Man, jeg, nitin, chin tau, ely, marissa, crosby, wei rong, and some other dudes.. Gosh, like man, if we play EPL confirm die one. With the own goals, the backwards kicks, the hazardous shoots (poor chin tau!), the SHOE shoots (where the shoe and the ball fly together), the not-so-good-multi-taskings-of-handphone-&-football.. lol, we were playing like Liverpool! Hahah, well that's what annoys marissa and elyssa most; insulting their lovely liverpool. Oh well, after that, i went to play bball. With, andrea, xanda, patricia, benjamin, biao (i think) and some other peeps, which was pretty fun lah. Especially my bold and unsuccessful attempts at checking benjamin. hahah.


As though i hadn't had enough, i had TOUCH RUGBY training after chem bridging. >.< it was fun, we learnt techniques, and i enjoyed my self many many! Lol. back to top?

your daughter<3
back to top?

OK, for the many who don't know, i take : MATHS CHEM ECONS LIT(H1)
if anyone asks, i don't have a cca (YET) and i don't know what cca to join (S.C, H.C, TOUCH!) and i maybe just want to be a loner and work hard for O's. As much as i do have friends, i still think i'm doing so many things wrong, and that adjusting into school life is getting harder and harder as i continue. And i'm not just talking about Maths lectures and bridging (WHICH BY THE WAY, I feel like a lost chicken in class all the time! >.<). I mean the many decisions i make in jc seems to contribute to my excelling in A levels, or screwing it up. i mean, seriously? I think to myself whether my dying need to join touch rugby (something that i've wanted for months) would mean jeopardizing my chances of obtaining a scholarship. Worst yet, i think to myself if simply not doing anything, like just mugging night and day, no cca etc, whether it'll really make me fall into depression. I worry, that there will be no balance in it. I mean, its really easy for ANYONE to say, its all about prioritizing, all about balance, all about time management, but it truly is difficult. To make matters worse, i don't know if i should do something that everyone sees me doing; drama club, etc, something that i should try to excel in and pursue, or something that is out of my usual norm.




GAAAAAAH, though having a choice is SAID to be a privellege, i think that its simply pure torture.
simply.

I want to take streetdance classes. I have already found a class thats highly flexible in timings, and i think i'm definitely going to join.

i want to take language courses. Enrich my mind...

Not to forget, i want to take ice-skating classes.

SImply idle thoughts, all of it.

the despair i'm in cannot be understood by ANYONE, and i mean anyone, at all.
to live life, or to simply put it all away?
ultmate sacrifice?

fuck.
only tuesday is emo day. back to top?