My life's been having a lot of ups and downs lately - kinda feels like I'm on an eternal rollercoaster. I've got to go do other stuff, but just a quick update.

hmmm.

Retainees have been busy doing... well nothing really. The school makes us come to school and we still do nothing productive - unless you count me and Julien's K-drama watching! (woots! :D) School's still school I guess, we can't do anything about it - just like the Koreans+Chinese+Russians had no choice in the communist regime they were placed under. (hahahahha i know, the audacity of me, comparing my life to theirs. sigh)

HMM. I've really missed my friends buckets - especially since all the "links" are missing. Hahaha. They're all at Work Attachment! sigh. But its been funny, especially since I get random messages about how dull their life can be!!

I've got a job now (:

I signed up for SATs already (:

MY SISTER'S COMING BACK THIS DECEMBER. <3 THE BEST NEWS EVER. EXCITED TO THE MAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Labels: Reveries, School

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I was cruising to school on the flyover, and this was how the heavens greeted me. Beautiful, isn't it? I know once in a while, when the going gets awfully tough, I doubt if there's anyone up there, in the skies looking out for me. But it's moments like these that I feel this awe.

A lot has happened, but part of me still feels out of place. Beyond my comprehension.

So out of place.

Sigh. How long more will I feel this way?

Enough of that.

Well, Promos is beyond over, and well, the results are out. You know what Hell Week is? Well, for me, Hell Week was the week of which we knew the results were gonna be released, which was in fact on Friday. It was the week where you'd go to class and they'll tell you little things like "Oh, some of you failed..." or "Only 60% of the level passed...", or better yet, go through the whole paper, without you of course knowing whether you actually scored or not. They're not allowed to tell you actual useful information, but they torture you with the little things. I swear everyday we go home with a black face. Hahahaha.

Hmm, my results were very satisfactory. I'm pleased. But most of all, the fact that I've promoted (finally) it feels like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. A whole, huge boulder. However, I'm suddenly sitting on a black hole of nothingness. Purposelessness. Hahaha. It's weird, now not having to worry about stuff, as much as I had too.

To fill the time, I'm thinking of SATs, a job, my French, driving.

So much to do.. where do I begin?

Labels: Reveries, School

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I said that I have forgotten about it.

I thought that I'd be better off without it.

I said that I didn't want it.

It would be a LIE!!!!

AHAHAHHA.
I'm talking about my love for all things Korean (and Jap). Lols.

I won't lie, I took a break from it because I was obsessing. And by obsessing I don't mean just sitting around watching youtube after youtube video (which I did, anyways.) but I mean becoming this ravaging person obsessed with Korean life - don't get me wrong, it's great, but it becomes too much when I thought that my life would be nothing, that my parents should've migrated there, that only in KOREA can my dreams come true.

It was so bad.

But now, I think I've matured from the long long long fast from my fangirly things.

BUT NOW, there's so much to catch up with!!! (which is kinda fun!) AND there are all the -_-'' people who are..posers. 0.o knn. ESAD.



Enjoy the vid as much as I did once - its universal-ear friendly :D

SCHOOL - goodness gracious. Can you imagine. I mean just think about it okay, tomorrow's the last official day for the J2s. Uncanny, isn't it. To think that all this while I've been delaying the reality of being officially separated from my actual, first, pioneer JC1 batch, the 2008 batch. I really had a blast, with them. My friends. I can only wish them the best in A's. Their journey's almost ending, and I'm so excited for them, AND excited for my turn.

But I won't lie.

Just a little sad too.

Labels: Life as it happens

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Nice weekend I've had - honestly. After a very frustrating week at school, I had a really good weekend. And well, I didn't have the WORST weekdays..just annoying, the school bit. But I must say after-school hours were pretty fun. Either we ate like pigs with Thompson Prata House or Beach Road..or hang out like k00l kids at Starbucks, or watched movies like Phobia2, (500) Days of Summer. I enjoy the company I keep, I've got really great friends, and I'm glad for it <3

Psst. You might not believe it, but Phobia 2 is DAMN SYIOK to watch! Really. With a bunch of friends. There's about 5 stories in it, and the first four had a lot of shockfactor and SCARRRRINESS, but the last was so AWESOMEPOSSUM - it ensured you won't sleep with nightmares! :D

I finally went raya-ing! Gosh, can you imagine, I bought a new dress for Hari Raya and only NOW do I get to wear it?! Sigh. Anyways, it was SAJC peeps, a super small gang. Hilmi, Farid, Nadia, Firqin, Fadilah, Me and well, Hayati at the last house! :D Fun. A lot of laughter. Some embarrassing moments. Some AWKWARD moments. A lot of teasing. and A WHOLE LOT OF CAMERA LOVE! Yayzers. It was kinda fun seeing the other sides of people. Like imagine HILMI serving you drinks, and being all nice and homely. HAHAH.

That was Saturday. Sunday was Syeek's OpenHouse at Tampines. Hee... Finally met some YMers. Hani, Ami, Isa, Abg Sat, Rabiatul and well Syeek of course. OF COURSE with Hani and me around, you'd know there's gonna be a LOT of pictures! :D HAHAHAH it was fun, and we went to AMKhub to watch sorority row. HAAHA, hmm it isn't worth the weekend rates, but if you're into some gory thrilling shit, then it'd be pretty okay. IF you pay only $6 hahaha.

I miss my old friends. And spending time with Fadilah (chicadilakhan) reminds me a lot about Cedar. She asked me a lot of whether I prefer being in SA to being in Cedar, and believe it or not, I was a little torn. I dunno. I never regret going to Cedar, that's for sure. But at the same time, when I remember certain memories of it, I don't think I'd turn back time just yet. I think Cedar was great for the formative years of my life. But it wasn't the easiest stage of my life to be in. In my secondary school days, there were a lot of bitter memories. Things that went on, between family and friends, that I don't think I'd want to repeat again. But of course, in my veins, lies the blood of a Cedarian, and true to form, would never forget her sisterhood bonds that she's created - the sense of patriotism that I do not feel for SA, lest for the rugby matches.

~~~~

Tomorrow's a new day, and Lord know's what's in store for us. But I'm excited, to meet my friends.

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries, School

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"Robyn is better than the girl of my dreams....she's real" - Paul, (500) Days of Summer

Labels: Reveries

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Labels: Reveries

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I'm really glad, that I managed to let some things go today. I don't know, but I think I owe part of it to the play there was during morning assembly. And that, I don't know, I can remember that I'm not alone in my plights. That no one is truly alone, no matter how lonely it feels. Inch by inch, I'm finding my happiness again(: I won't lie, talking to Hearts last night, helped a lot. I think it just reminded me that my journey does not have to be ventured alone, and that I'm not the only one that has problems; that I'm just not alone (:

The play in school just reminded me, for the 1000th time I've been saying, that behind every person, there's a story. I think I learnt the hard way in secondary school that I cannot judge a person - not from what I hear about them, or what I think about them just from looking at them. People are different, and the world's just too messed up for us to not accept this fact. Different. That's what makes us so special. Never judge, cos no matter how happy, or popular or wonderful a person may be, they face a struggle of their own everyday. We should help one another.

I think if anything, that's what I'm gonna try to do. Help other people with their struggle through life, and hope someone helps me through mine. No one should feel lonely, or helpless. If it means being quiet, I will. If it means helping them with their work, I will. If it means just listening, I will. If it only takes a smile, I'll smile till the cows come home (:

I am no Barack Obama, but at least if I can't change Healthcare (haha), I can at least try to make it easier for the people around me. Especially my family. Sigh I won't lie, I am the most horrid person to my family sometimes. They say that you should treat your family with a lot of care because they're the ones who'll love you with all your flaws, but I take for granted that you can just screw them over sometimes simply because...they'll love me back eitherway. Twisted right? Sometimes I realise that I just make up excuses. Especially when it comes to my parents. I know sometimes I truly believe that they deserve whatever comes their way, but I just got to learn to forgive. Sure, forgetting is never gonna happen, not by a longshot. But like I really have to get some closure. kakak, you too. Or else, I don't think I'll be able to make a life for myself.

Treat those around you better, jans. Maybe things will be different for you too (:

Funny how much better I feel after just laughing, letting loose and letting life happen.

i miss my brother and my sister lots.. my sister most.

Labels: Reveries, School

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I am trying to find my constant. Trying to find that inner peace that I have, or at least once had. Sigh. I forgot that when you're in a rut, nothing you say can make you feel better; at least not immediately. When you feel like the world around you is crumbling, it's simply that - it feels like its shattering and you can't stop it. Nobody can. The rational part of me that rests in the deep recesses of my mind reminds me that it isn't the end of the world. But hell, sure does feel like it.

What do I want most right now? I want, and I especially miss laughing my head off, and honestly feeling the warmth and joy just grow inside me. I miss having HEARTS in school. I dunno why. HAHA. She teases me all the darn time, but like she just makes me smile a lot. And she tries to be the best person, which makes me wanna be the best person. I miss the positive energy I had in me. Now it all feels simply superficial - like in all honesty, I can't seem to find that joy and it feels so far away. Being so sad and angry is so painful. And not to mention tiring.

I think watching 500 Days of Summer, with my heavy heart wasn't a good idea. Cos it just added more things in the "too many things jannah thinks about" list. But it was an awesome movie, really.

I think right, I just need a good cry. That once I cry at something really sad that has nothing to do with me directly - like a tragedy or devastation, I might be able to actually, tangibly remind myself of all the things I have to be thankful for.

Being sad is like a bad habit. So hard to kick, and when you do kick it, its like, you're so afraid you'll fall back into it again. HAHA.


OKAY, lets try positive. (If i manage positive, please please please pat me on my back)

Today, we were surrounded by so many couples - it was the opening day for 500 DAYS OF SUMMER. I won't lie, it was dreadfully good! Anyways we saw so many SA/Tk boys out with their other halfs... heee. Nice to see. Anyways, upon so much analysis, we all decided that ---s are just puppies. HAHAHA exactly. They give their puppy dog faces, that help them get away with murder..give them a ball and they're all excited..they seem to wanna hump everything..they... HAHAHA they're just like puppies. WHAT A REVELATION, kan?

Anyways, so many couples. Like a mini-Vday. HEE. :D

At school, the retainees played a lot of games - me, freeq, Nadirid played badminton, which was so fun! HAHAHA i cannot servE. Get over it, luh! ahahhaahha :D

This is so sick.

I watched Philip DeFranco and my heart feels lighter.
I read Perez Hilton and my heart feels lighter.

GO MASS MEDIA!!

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

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I haven't been myself of late.

When I think about it, my mind blows on the whole "been myself" thing - I wonder what defines being myself? Is there a set way that I behave, so much so that anyway different becomes a perversion of nature? Or is it simply that whoever/however I am at that time is what makes me me, regardless of regularity or expectations. Sigh.

But yea, myself or not, I've been a lot more sad, angry, angsty and frustrated than I've ever been in the past months. It's annoying because when I stop thinking of sadness, whatnots, and I'm smiling, its mostly on the surface alone. A simple reminder of what made me unhappy suddenly sucks me back into a whirlpool of negativity.

Egad.

Really. To top it off, SAJC really pushes my angst and frustration to a limit. Stupid admin. I swear. Fruck.

I want to be light hearted, its much easier...

I want to forget.

I want to stop fretting.

I want to stop thinking about it.

I want to believe myself when I say I'm okay.

I want to remind myself that I do not like him anymore.

I want to tell myself the past is just that, past.

I want to remind myself the future still holds.

I want to forgive.



Made me cry my heart out.

Labels: Reveries, School

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I am BEYOND happy right now!

I'm really bursting with joy bubbles at being able to use the computer and I dunno, I feel I've got a LOT to catch up with; especially given the fact that straight away after Promos, I ponned school to go to KL to FINALLY celebrate Hari Raya! WOOTS!! I had serious hari raya withdrawals. Serious.

I've got a lot to post about but I don't know where to start.

Aidilfitri 2009

I had a bucket loads of emo moments this raya. So much tears, I swear. It was the whole "did I use Ramadhan fruitfully", "ohgosh what if I never see the next year's Ramadhan", "I can't believe time passed soo fast", "Oh my goodness, I'm alone this raya!". Yes, so dearly exasperated! I mean honestly, it was really depressing to see other families tight together, joyously meeting other people, forgiving and loving each other whilst I was cooped up in my lovely bubble of depression and Promos. Hahaha. Okay, I was just really sad, playing a HELL LOT OF hari raya songs and well mellowing in self-pity. I know, I was picturesque of a FML moment. Plus family is really in Malaysia, and like I've got promos in like 2 days after raya so NO CHANCE. Sigh.

I swear lucky people with relatives in SG, makes commuting a hell lot easier.

Last time, my grans had a home at Johor Bahru, the HQ as I call it, where from all over, her kids will go to HER house for raya and we all congregate at one place, with my uncles banding together to make the hari raya feast! Uncle Zaid infront of the dalca, Uncle Rahim readying the briyani, etc etc. Sigh Oh the past was so much lovelier. Plus all the things that have changed just got me sad. Plus the fact that there was a time when it was all different. Oh man.

It wasn't 100% bad, it just wasn't so good lah. Different, above all.

I still went to KL thereafter so I guess it was not the worst. Especially with the fact that there was no one else there in KL since everyone went back to their respective states.
Cue Hayati: Solid? Liquid? Gas??
Cue Firqin: Huh??
heee.

Promotionals

Just when I thought it'd NEVER be over, it ended. HMM how did it go? Well, some parts were like as though I was just trying to skin myself alive or something. HAHAHA. post-evaluation?
Maths? No problem, my boat still floats.
GP? The waters are choppy, but still breathing.
Econs? Dark clouds rush through. The sailor is calm on the outside, PATD! on the inside
History? The sailor forgot how to make it through the storm, but didn't get sucked into a whirlpool
Lit? A hurricane came+the ship caught fire+the sailor had sand in his eyes+ABANDON SHIP!

hahah, we'll see. gaspeth.

Actually had a lot so say, now can't remember. AHAHAHAH. oh well.

Labels: Reveries, School

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