Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.

Sunday, November 30, 2008 @ 04:40 I know, its four-forty in the morning right now, and I know I should sleep. But I just realised, I cry so quick and easily. For many reasons. And nowadays, these reasons seem to be facing me head-on, and I don't know what to do. Do I bawl? Do I suck it up? Sometimes, it's for the stupidest, weirdest, most irrelevant reasons - yet I cry all the same. I thought I was a depressed shitzu in 2005, when I was in sec two. But I think I might be wrong, cos seems to me I'm more "emo", tired, drained and depressed in the good 2008. Things just pile up and snowballs ~ I don't know what's wrong anymore, I just can't figure it out. Did you know that the human race is one hell of a complex group of living organisms, that seem to face issues and problems of any nature, of any sort. Somehow, things never feel like they're getting better. But it will. It must. back to top?
Sunday, November 23, 2008 @ 19:10 Twilight. Twilight. Lubdub. Lubdub. TO ADD on to my current anticipation of Twilight, the movie here's the official music for the movie. PARAMORE! wootsies. I mean I abso love Paramore, and well its just so fitting that they're doing the song for Twilight, eh? (: Hayley looks so cool, no? Grr. I'm excitomundo for Twilight. About 2 years ago I was bonkers when I found out they were making a movie! AND gosh, i'm just excited much. SOMETHING tells me they might play it on the plane to prague. If that's good or bad i dunno. I want my movie experience! shitters. THE REST OF THE WORLD ARE ALREADY TWILIGHT-ING! BOO): heh back to top?
@ 12:35 TODAY is a new day. I believe in new days! Unless the new day goes bad, then there's the NEXT new day! HAHA i'm so full of shit. Did not get my cry BUT who cares, ITS not so bad lah, life. REMEMBER jaye? NOT SO BAD. okok. Anyways, yesterday, I was SOO inspired to watch BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER! Woots. Actually I watched it on some channel yesterday, and that got me so inspired to watch it. I used to be an AVID buffy fan. When did it start ah.. wait i go wiki. Oh yah, it started when i was in P1. HAHA. Yes i watched it every week and followed it. From loving Angel, to hating Angel. From hating Spyke to loving Spyke. WHERE did Sarah Michelle Gellar go man! HAHA, i miss her in the hollywood scene, she was always soo cool! :D back to top?
Saturday, November 22, 2008 @ 22:07 ~~wo is needing a goood cryy.~~ Cos like i dunno, i'm not really sad or anything, but like i got this balloon in my chest that needs to be popped. SOON. HAHAH. I found a supposedly sad movie so i'm a gonna see. AND boo, i have no mood for anything else, my mood's pretty bad now. BOOO! back to top?
@ 18:11 A rainbow after every storm. The thing is, where is it? I learnt a lot today. Maybe not at a rate I wanted it too. It all seemed too much too soon. Though the problem is, it was very much required. I'm just so depressed, sad, tired, disappointed at what happened today. Choir was.. I'm speechless. It was the most heart pain session, I have ever experienced. Ever. In my whole years of schooling life. From dance captain in primary school, MLDDS vice-presidency till a member of choir, I have NEVER felt this much heart pain from a ~~fucking~~ CCA. Its not about CHOIR choir, more just from an after school activity, I have never felt like crying. Which I did, by the way. The only other time I cried was...not winning anything from GPA & NUS Sajak, and Bronze in tarian's SYF. Okay, I wasn't like crying like a fish on water like I did on results day. ~~THAT was bad. Like really bad.~~ But I swear, i felt close to it. GRR. Its just so, ~~fuckingfuckettyfuckfink~~ miserable. Miserable cos, I know I haven't been doing my best. Miserable, cos I have NO confidence in my singing. Miserable, cos its my fault. Miserable cos, sometimes its not my fault either. Miserable, cos I feel like I've disappointed my peers. Miserable, cos they have disappointed me. Miserable, cos we have disappointed our conductor. Miserable, cos I have disappointed myself. It truly caused so much heartache): Today, Tay finally felt that we have done enough horrors with the music we've been given, and finally decided that it was the last straw he could take. And walked out of choir. Walked out leh. ~~FYI, before it started, I saw him and said, "wah, what would happen if he walked out?". Fucking freaky much!?~~ He decided that we weren't focused enough, we weren't disciplined, wasting everyone's time, not doing things right, like we don't give a fuck. But I don't blame him, really. All of us, me included, are not at all up to par. Not doing our best, not giving our all. How not to be pek chek? I swear, he left us in shambles - by that, I mean we were like, "OMG WHAT HAPPENED? HOWHOWHOWHOW?!" And like totally scared and worried. So much so we kind of pulled our socks a bit, doing octets over and over, forcing ourselves to sing out. For my, my problem is that though i KNOW what is the correct note whatever, I'm still scared. Totally unconfident. What happens when another mate in my section listens out to my singing? I'll throw her off. I mean, even that happens to me. The left and the right, the sounds that come out are totally different. Which throws me off. And well, I become scared ah. Cos i don't know who's right, or wrong. These are things I should be able to do and control, but lo, I'm not really, am i? Am i disappointed at myself? yes, by golly, I am. Am I sad that sometimes we spend so much time learning and learning it over and over, time and effort in correcting my mistakes, getting people to teach me what i repeatedly err upon, listening harder, trying harder, giving my best game face, and STILL its not good enough? STILL I get scolded, STILL, WE get scolded. Am i sad? Of course, a plenty. I just want to do better. I'm the kind, even if I don't like doing something, I'll do what I can do, to the best that I can. I mean from idiotic things like PW and stuff. I take pride in my work, and pat my head when I get it done, well. I do. If you can't already tell. So this totally frustrates the living daylights out of me. The fact that I'm NOT the best that I can be. I don't want to give up. I don't wanna break. I don't wanna hate singing. Though, I think, slowly but surely, the Altos will get there. The Sops, will get there. The Tenor and Basses, will get there too. We will, we must. We are one, aren't we? I don't want us to lose out, when we haven't even gone halfway, all because we didn't give our best when we should've. We had a talk, the Altos, after choir. Finally, a burden feels lifted, us having been able to voice our opinions, our concerns, our needs. I hope we trust each other more. I hope we're spot-on when it comes to notes, rhythm, whatnots. I hope we excel, and in that way, bring the choir up to even greater heights, cos we are more than able in doing so. (omg. I just realised i haven't said those words since, PSL board. omg.) I hope the choir will be united. I want for us to laugh together, cry together, practice together, and carve out the FONDEST memories ever. It's the best times of our lives, isn't it? I want us to really reach the best, to be able to sing with pride, passion, and simply love what we are doing, together. It isn't easy, for sure. There will be hard times, like today, but we really gotta stand up, and take everything in our stride, and work to achieve the greatest things we can. A prize/placing from Prague would mean NOTHING, if we hate each other/won't work together/simply dispassionate about what we do. Wouldn't bringing home nothing but the greatest of memories and well, the knowledge that we sung our hearts and soul and did the best and well truly loved doing it, be a whole lot sweeter?? (okay i think i'm babbling now.) I really loved sajchorale at one time. Like loved. Like when we sing i get goosebumps. I won't lie, nowadays, I ask myself why am i here at all. I wanna just let the love ignite again, let my passion for this bunch of 19crazy people that sing songs of all sorts grow again. This time, I'm not gonna lose it. The fire, that is. “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” - Thomas Jefferson. “The men who succeed are the efficient few. They are the few who have the ambition and will power to develop themselves.”- Robert Burton “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” - Mark Twain “It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.” - William Somerset Maugham <3 these crazy bunch of psycho misfits (: love! back to top?
@ 04:36 I am such a lame retard I usually use another term, but well, let's not go there. I must say, that I'm quite happy today. Or should I have said, I was quite happy yesterday. Really. Cos somehow I seemed to be doing everything right. From my blogskin (which made me obsessed with visiting my blog) to helping other people. They all just seem to all fall into place, this life i live. Weird, especially since these past weeks have been FAR from flawless. Let's not go there. Anyways, still, I'm TOTALLY retarded. I have thus refused to go to bed. Refused. Totally not gonna go tonight. (Or last night. Whatever. cos its 4.40AM right now.) Refused. So to keep myself awake, I have been doing the silliest of things, really. I'm still quite amazed I've survived this long. My Myspace is now active - but i dunno anyone on myspace. Darn. Add me add me! shesmilescheang@gmail. Er, I've gone band hopping. Made plans to build a in-head itinerary. Writing chem notes. And stuff. This computer's gonna be the BANE of my existence i swear! BUT ON more lovelier thoughts, did you know that Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet (BOTH FROM TITANIC, immortalized the lines "Jack, I'm flying Jack". Ring the alarum bells??) are in a NEW movie together? Revolutionary Road . Its almost like they're trying to remove all the perceptions the audience may have of them from Titanic, good or bad. Trying to show that they've GROWN from then. Don't kid yourself when you say you will distinctly draw a line of differentiation between both movies, not drawing any parallels from Kate and Leo '98 (was it?) and Kate & Leo '08. WOAH MUCH.. Eitherway, I love BOTH of them, from Titanic to The departed, The Holiday, Blood Diamond ad so on. I love them both, so i hope this movie won't bomb! BOO! (Fyi, i've run out of things to talk about) grr. Whatever lah. Back to trying to write notes. BUT before i go, a quick shout to KWOI/angelfishfighter- Goodluck tmr! JIA YOU! Hope you guys kick ass:D ALRIGHTY LOVE! back to top?
Friday, November 21, 2008 @ 15:31 You may think That I changed my blogskin and stuff due to a change of heart, or cos I got SICK of my old skin. BUT BEHOLD. I stayed up the WHOLE night, literally, fixing up my skin. I ALMOST CRIED. I was trying to edit something at my side box, change the song that was there. (Previously it was... If i were a boy, by Beyonce) ANYWAYS. I was cutting the css from the webbie, and well pasting it on my skin's html thingy and I did not realise that when i was cutting the old html for Beyonce's song, i accidentally highlighted EVVVVVVVVVVVEEERRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYTHING below it. I.E: my Cbox, my links, the stupid thing i have about myself, my archives list. AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, my blogposts. SO when i saved (shit me right!) and i went to view my blog, BOOM, ALL I HAD WAS my dumb picture, my ANNYEONG thing, and my song. NOTHING ELSE. NOOOOOOTHING else. OMGWTFBBQERPMSGKNNCCB! And as much as I know how to manipulate my html codes and stuff, I AIN'T THAT GOOD. So i spent the whole night, LITERALLY doing nothing but editing the html, and previewing, testing again, trying my luck and so i decided to make some CHANGES here and there, as you can see. GRR. But i must say, I did a pretty good job(: pats back Still it isn't perfect. SEE THE DATE REPEATS? the one in the purple-ish box is supposed to be the TIME i posted. But well, for now, I dunno how to change that. SO i'm leaving it that way. For the time being. ANYHOW, check out the links yo! I'm MOST proud of that! HAHAHA :D Well I tried linking back those i remembered BUT IF YOU'RE LINK'S NOT THERE, REMIND MEEEEEEEE! But it'd be much better if i have a horizontal picture of you, then i can do the thumbnail thingy! SO obviously, the cartoon thumbnails are of those who I don't have their pics. ): The sheep thing is Wanfong. Duh. The cupcake is Nadia. The fish is Amirah. The Brocolli is Elfa. AHAHA don't ask me why. Well, i can only explain nadia's cos well, her url is about eating alot and stuff. So hungry cupcake! GO FIGURE. hahahah. I love Natalie Dee's cartoons(: hahaha OKAY i'm gonna go get a life now! love! back to top?
@ 04:13 MOTHER GOD. My, my. I have died, and gone to heaven, BOY heaven. The Brits have outdone themselves this time. I know its like 4.14am in the friggin morning, but I really don't care. Its gotta be INSANE/OUTLANDISHLYIMPOSSIBLE to have a cast that is oh. so. fabulously. gorgeous. It must be a sin, I swear. Its the movie Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging, by the way. You have to watch it, to understand the dire state of hormonal flushes and endorphins and adrenaline just pumping through my veins. Seriously, looking that good has got to be a crime. DARN. They're either in America, UK, Italy, Korea, Japan or Taiwan. None of which rhymes with Singapore. BOO): Seriously, for the guys, that movie is WORTH IT. And its hilarious. ZOMG. Hotness! hahaha. i shall go to bed and dream about hot brit teens. YUMYUM. back to top?
Wednesday, November 19, 2008 @ 12:46 I won't lie, its good to be back. Back online that is. Cos this time, the technology/internet/computer fast was sooo NOT my idea. So well, stretching my fingers again and well having to type once again. Its such a lovely feeling. Though, I'm convinced it'll like, wear off soon! Boo! Well I've had some good fun (: Talk about it soon. Gotta go to the docs in a bit. BOOO :( back to top?
Thursday, November 06, 2008 @ 19:02 Boo I'm sick ): Went to the docs - like finally, after falling ill so many times previously! KWOI! I got my first prescription of PONSTAN! hahaha Missed lit lecture, but still came for choir after, cos well we've been having some issues, and I was afraid to miss it): But well, I'm happy to say I've memorised JANGER, one of our concert pieces! WOOTS! Still left with.. some other scores. Hahah. Lol, its been totally uneventful! go figure! back to top?
Wednesday, November 05, 2008 @ 20:22 I am overflowing with excitement, hormones, and bucketloads of happiness right now. My day has been made (: Let's just say.. I've waited a while and well - Finally! Fyi - don't read too much into it, its prolly a tiny thing after all. If you really know me, you'll know why such little things make me happy (: you just made me smile, from ear to ear. back to top?
@ 13:32 Today is an important day, in the history of mankind. Change, is indeed possible - and we really are in the midst of it. Barack Obama President Of the United States of America. Why do I care so much that he won? Why do we all bother so much? Because EVERYONE in this world, is affected by the decisions of the USA. Their policies, what they do - they impact the world around them, including us. Whether we like it or not, we have to see its significance. And from what I see, I am proud, glad, and grateful to be here, in this time, in this century to be able to experience CHANGE. I hope it isn't short-lived (: back to top?
Tuesday, November 04, 2008 @ 22:32 IF YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING! LOYAL, wonderful and well, patient people of the world! HAHAHAH ITS TIME FOR THE UNVEILING... BEFORE: AFTER! Check out my library man! (: i love this darkness. It looks so.. cult-ish! THE people I love <3 MY TABLE! my board!.. (fyi, all the photos are in the wrong.. direction? It ought to be flipped!) hahaha, YES, I did the impossible - and it is moments like these that make me think that Adidas wasn't far off.. "IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING". Makes me feel like I can do anything in te world. So very very Kyle XY. Which, I have finished watching.. so I'm waiting for the whole season 3 to be complete (: WOAHZERS! Believe it! back to top?
Sunday, November 02, 2008 @ 23:03 When I'm with him, I am thinking of you... You know, sometimes I wonder how much of all this I can still take - not much more, I figure. I know, I know - filial piety is important, and yes highly valued. Do not get me wrong, I want to be filial, I want to be good; I know that I shouldn't be rude, immature, and I should give way, as much as I can, I must. Still, I am only human, and well, there is so much that I can tolerate. For 17 years I have been taking it all in, now, I dunno if I can anymore. Met up with Adel today - it was good for my soul, especially after being cooped up at home yesterday whilst the rest of the class went out to have fun. BOO. But really, before the actual going out was the bad part. Really - my parents and I had a huge fight, and I've never seen my dad so angry, neither have I ever made him that angry before. I needed so bad to leave the house thereafter, I couldn't stay anymore. The thing that bothered me most was that the only reason that my dad got angry was cos he had too big an ego. I mean seriously speaking, it made NO sense whatsoever for him to get so pissed. But when he got pissed, I got pissed, and that got my mom pissed, WHICH got me even more pissed. I love them to death, but they will be the death of me. You push, you push and you push, one day I'll never come back. Anyways, we watched REC, which I believe is a darn good flick. I swear. I've never been scared out of my pants like that! I kinda forced Adel to watched it; my dear dear Adel, the one who REFUSES to watch any kind of horror story, or sit on scary rides if it cost her her life. I was so pleased when she finally agreed. SHE SCREAMED SO HARD SOME OF THE NACHOS FELL TO THE FLOOR. WE SCREAMED SO HARD AND HID OUR FACES TOGETHER. We enjoyed it, BIG TIME! :D Hmm, we also had food, and shopped around - I BOUGHT TONNES OF DIVA STUFF FROM THEIR SALE! - and talked about our futures, Prague, America, Christmas and HMUN. Its all good (: I love this girl bucketloads! We went back to Pasir Ris and I got my bus home from there, after buying some nail polish and having a Hershey's Sundae Pie! YUMM! Lovely day I had. (: PS: my nails are now BLUE! and my toenails PINK! woots!! back to top?
Saturday, November 01, 2008 @ 20:55 Yes. I'm bored. Family Portrait - Pink Mama please stop cryin' I can't stand the sound Your pain is painful and it's Tearing me down I hear glasses breakin' As I sit up in my bed I told dad you didn't mean Those nasty things you said You fight about money 'Bout me and my brother And this I come home to This is my shelter It ain't easy, growin' up in world war 3 Never knowin' what love could be You'll see, I don't want love to destroy me Like it has done my family Can we work it out (Can we) Can we be a family (Can we) I promise I'll be better (I promise) Mommy I'll do anything (I'll do anything) Can we work it out Can we be a family I promise I'll be better Daddy please don't leave Daddy please stop yelling (stop) I can't stand the sound (can't stand the sound) Make mama stop cryin' 'Cause I need you around (yeah yeah yeah) My mama she loves you (I know it) No matter what she says is true I know that she hurts you But remember I love you too! I ran away today, ran from the noise Ran away (ran away) Don't wanna go back to that place But don't have no choice, no way It ain't easy, growin' up in world war 3 Never knowin' what love could be But I've seen, I don't want love to destroy me Like it did my family Can we work it out (Can we work it) Can we be a family I promise I'll be better (I promise) Mommy I'll do anything (Anything to keep you back) Can we work it out Can we be a family I promise I'll be better (I promise I promise) Daddy please don't leave In our family portrait (In our family portrait) We look pretty happy (We look pretty happy) Let's play pretend, let's act like it Comes naturally I don't wanna have to split the holidays (no no) I don't want two addresses (no no) I don't want a stepbrother anyway And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name! In our family portrait We look pretty happy We look pretty normal Lets go back to that In our family portrait We look pretty happy Lets play pretend, act like it Goes naturally In our family portrait (Can we work it out) We look pretty happy (Can we be a family) We look pretty normal (I promise I'll be better) Lets go back to that (Mommy I'll do anything) In our family portrait (Can we work it out) We look pretty happy (Can we be a family) Lets play pretend (I promise I'll be better) Act like it goes naturally, (Daddy please don't leave) Oh lets go back Oh lets go back In our family portrait (Can we work it out) We look pretty happy (Can we be a family) We look pretty normal (I promise I'll be better) Lets go back to that (Mommy I'll do anything) In our family portrait (Can we work it out) We look pretty happy (Can we be a family) We look pretty normal (I promise I'll be better) Lets go back to that (Daddy please don't leave) Don't leave... don't leave... Daddy don't leave... Don't leave... Daddy don't leave... Daddy don't leave... Daddy don't leave... Daddy don't leave... Don't leave... don't leave... Turn around please Remember that the night you left You took my shining star Daddy don't leave... Daddy don't leave... Daddy don't leave... Mama'll be nicer I'll be so much better I'll tell my brother I won't spill the milk at dinner I'll be so much better I'll do everything right I'll be your little girl forever I'll go to sleep at night back to top?
@ 20:13 Sapphire Why so serious? Don't you see our smiles, the cloudless skies, the apple pies? The long strip so deep, so blue. To stand on it, to sit. To lean on TODAY, today, The world is a different circle. The music in my ears, clashing the bangs of those, hitting their way around. One eye sees what it wants, one eye shows the fantasy it is in. The other, the grave apparent diamond clear cut, real. Hurting anything it touches. Cutting anything in its way. Sapphire sapphire, she screams, I want a sapphire. back to top?
@ 19:42 Voted, most likely to end up on the back of a milk box drink.. Alrighty, in the name of well BOLDNESS, QUIRKY fun, I cut my nails and painted them this candy-red-ish color. Cutting them cos well, I got anxious one day and just started to bite - a habit I THOUGHT I was done with a few months ago. But well, I also cut them so they look like kid nails. Cos I think its cool? Hahah, yes. Well, I'm a sucker for the quirky, so well, go figure. I like the colour, but I wish I had the shocking pink i wanted the other time! >.< Anyways, I'm STILL cleaning my room up - ITS A LOT OF WORK, okay? And well kinda rotting around in my room listening to KATY PERRY. Yes, I'm still loving her very much! <3 Gosh, I wanna go out and party and something, or just do something totally fun and well go nuts and stuff. Can I can I? OR maybe i should run. hardyharhar. later gator. back to top?