ATTACK of the girlbands.

I do not care what other people say, i don't care if my brother criticise me for this, BUT i realise how much i loved and still do love girlbands. Hahah, it isn't a feminist act or anything, but i remember how not only did i used to love Britney (i admit!), christina, and mandy, in primary 3, i also really loved, ATOMIC KITTEN, BARDOT, SUGABABES, (and one more, but i can't remember! shoot. now i won't be able to sleep!)

Man i really especially loved atomic kitten(and still do!). i mean at least Sugababes are still active! They might be reuniting for a tour or something!!! woots!

gosh, tag me which band you liked/still do!

Dhi>Remember Bardot? aisah's party? Poison!?! hahah back to top?

back to top?

Music, makes the people come together ...

Gosh, my fingers ache from the excessive guitar playing. Haha.. i've got a bunch of songs that i've fallen in love with, like really fallen in love with.

You know one of those songs you heard when you were a kid in the 90's, the ones that you never know the title, that triggers a hell lot of memories, and (if he doesn't mind me paraphrasing) when you do find the song and its title again in the future, it feels as though you've reached the greatest accomplishment of your life, as though your life is complete.. heh.

well i just found mine.
Title: Bizarre Love Triangle
By: Actually its by New order but i fell for the cover by Frente

Watch! :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ1c9ErCn7w

And tell me if it strikes upon your memory as it did mine.

I realised one thing, in the 90s and also by some singers today, music is not only different, but it has a different meaning to it. I mean its not as if i do not like or enjoy the music of today, but man, the lyrics of old music makes actual SENSE, and lyrics actually convey the emotions, together with the music. I mean, i LOVE rnb and hip hop and all, but somehow, i'm more in it for the pulsating beat, that makes it so IRRESISTABLE to dance to, the somewhat consistent beat that flows in almost all hip hop songs. THUNK, THUNK THUNK, THUNK.
In the past, somehow music leaves a tingling sensation in my ears, and i can actually listen to the words.

One of my favourite singers of all time, wrote sheer poetry, with his song, Your body is a Wonderland, John Mayer.

Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face,
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase,
You tell me where to go and,
Though I might leave to find it,
I'll never let your head hit the bed,
Without my hand behind it.

You want love,
We'll make it,
Swim in a deep sea,
Of blankets,
Take all your big plans,
And break 'em,
This is bound to be a while.

Your body is a wonderland,
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands),
Your body is a wonderland.

It has simple words, no bombasticity, but wow, i feel the tingles reading it.

Hmm... maybe life was good then, than it is now..
Nyehh, who am i kidding, without my broadband and wireless, i'd probably be pulling the hair off my scalp..

hardy ha ha back to top?

every time i think of you..



My fingernails are black. I mean black, pitch black. I look at them, and i get lost in the darkness, imagining the world without me. I feel sometimes like i am sitting on the side on a comfortable couch, watching the world pass around me, watching the people, almost as if I'm a part of an audience.



I do wonder, sometimes even wish, of the world without myself. Will my family smile more? Would my brother have done the things he did? Would my parents have taken the retched path? But more selfishly, i ask, would i have to suffer anymore? Would i stop crying everynight? Would life be better? I mean it should be right, cos if you were not brought to life, why would it be bad? You won't need to feel, you won't need to live. I'd just be a soul wandering around, or wouldn't i? Do souls exist, if you don't?



Sometimes, i think about how i ended up here, where i am. How i didn't choose my family, but here i am; sign, sealed, delivered. I don't hate my family, well not exactly. There are many things i hate about my family, but i don't hate my family members, per se. I hate how i know that my brother can get away with everything, i've said it a million times, in my father's eyes, who knows, my brother could even get away with murder. I hate how they can be such hypocrites, "Wear a tudung JJ.... later i see you after i come home from Zouk". I hate it how i'm supposed to either be the best, or follow the best, and be the perfect child. I hate it how i'm not allowed to make my own mistakes, let alone learn from it. I hate how i know my family just wants the best for me, but don't see that the best for me might be letting me go instead of holding me down. But mostly I hate how i hate this all, hate that i can't just smile and accept it, and make everyone around me happy.



I know i sound ungrateful, but God did give me a mind to think right? So why not i just think, and for once not feel guilty for using my mind.


Another thing, that bugs me. Happy. I know i put on an enthusiastic and happy front to everyone; i've gotten so used to it, i believe in my lies to my own emotions. Hah, get that, i'm falling for my own lies. Happy is usually far from what i'm feeling, but its easy, its breezy. Somehow or rather, happy is something that gives me hope, that maybe if i pretend i'm happy long enough, if i kill the pain, maybe i might actually be happy, feel better. I mean, i've learnt to sieve through the badness and place it into a jumbo size box, so that i can just concentrate on the good stuff. Compartmentalising, right? I hate to be sad, i mean i really hate the feeling of being weak, asking for help. I hate it when i am sad and it shows, people go asking me, "what's wrong????!!!!" I absolutely hate the pity from others, yet i yearn it. Ironic isn't it? It has always been that way. When i was in p3, and i fell and grazed my knee badly, i absolutely refused to go to my teacher to do first aid, never ever. My friend actually literally forced me to go, scolding me for being so stubborn. When i did go, i felt weak, needy, and angry at myself for not simply settling this myself, but i was so happy someone had cared enough to make me go. But i never ever change, always willing and eager to help others, never to help myself. Never did i go to the sickbay at my own will, i'd rather suffer a heart burn than go to someone for help in my pain. I mean, why would I be worth their five minutes, why would they care? Analyse me, do i sound crazy? I sound like i have some issues.


Wow. i sound really confused.
If you understood a single word i said, good for you! If you didn't, congratulations. Join the club.
For now, i'm still gonna look happy and fine and dandy, and if you ask me if i'm okay, i'll probably answer the obvious.


As for the matters of the heart, i wish i could have someone to hold me close and tight.

i do. back to top?

Wow.

okay, its been way too long since i've blogged.
I can start by saying that my holidays weren't the most glamourous or ANYTHING of that sort. I mean the main thing i did was WAIT. And i can say that its quite annoying, I mean my whole hols is at a halt cos like i have to wait for something. SHEESH, but oh well, that is the part and parcel of life right?

So updates!

- HADY MIRZA (or his actual name mirzahady) won ASIAN idol. As per usual i have loads of theories why he won, but for now, i shall just settle with the commercial star value he has amongst his fans.

- I have gotten over HIM!!!

thats the main thing rocking my boat right now.. and also some other stuff i'm leaving left unsaid(:

I've been out so much, with ymers and class and all.... Life is so funny. I mean spending time with friends and all, makes you learn so much about them, and so much values in life. Its just too queer, and i think we should all consisitently be prepared for the unexpected.

I had also went to escape with Hani, Siti, Lukman and Fariz. It was a ball of fun and i thoroughly enjoyed myself. But then i did go to escape 3 days in a row, and we all know escape can be exhausted in like 3hours. I guess it was the company i enjoy most. Lukman, for instance is a breath of fresh air. I mean yeah, he is still like any other guy, but you know, he kind of defied most of my stereotypes of ACSian boys. Haha... Not to mention the fact that he is a year younger than me, but behaving several years older makes him highly enjoyable to be around. And fariz. wow. hahah. I know i've had my doubts of him, being and ACSian too, but also appearing all emo and all... But wow, the things you learn about a person, just make you realise how smart the person who told us never to judge a book by its cover.

Lol. More about boys though. I remember saying right after the end of Bio mcq Olevels that "yay, i can finally have a boyfriend". Don't misjudge me, i mean i said that only because my mother used to make BOYS such a big NO NO, and that i have o'levels so that is the last distraction i need. (Aren't our mothers all the same!?) But besides that, my progress has been zilch. The logical and rational part of me knows that i don't need a guy, nor do i really want one too. I'm probably more attracted to the idea of a guy than the actual existence of a guy. Hahah. Oh well, still it wouldn't hurt, will it?


Lol, i leave now my lovelies, for a good night sleep i so need!
Adios! Adieu!

notes to self:- Don't go to malaysia if you're horny
- I really don't need a guy yet
- There's a lot of movies i have to watch
- Check for lumps, right?



gutenacht.

~smile though it hurts so bad inside, and frown, though you really wanna laugh!~ back to top?