This past week, has been.. well.. tiring to say the least. Yet at the same time.. so filled with lessons. I forgot what it means to have to work for something and though my efforts may not match up to some of those around me, I know that the very fact that I tried.. that has to count for something. Sigh. I swear, part of me is grateful that I at least have a sturdy foundation to fall back on. Had I studied harder, I'd have definitely aced this exams. Just being honest - the papers could've been a hell lot worse, but across the board, they weren't. I mean, lest for some potholes along the way *cough*Housekeeping*cough* they were all generally manageable. Hence, I would be very disappointed in myself should I not clear, let alone do well - disappointed not because I think I'm fabulous and can make it through (hardyharhar) but because I'd be disappointed in myself for not studying.

There's a lot to learn, you know. I kinda remember now how it feels like to be back studying..back in the game. It feels good actually. To remember that my purpose is to study and achieve what it is that I want, whatever that is. I've had all time to study for blocks, but I left it (as always) to the last minute and this time it really took a toll on my mind and soul. Sleep deprivation (and those who know me know that I don't mean simply sleeping at 2 or 3am but really not sleeping till the paper's done), cramming my brain with information without giving it time to naturally absorb it, wow. I had like a migraine after every paper and there's of course the exhaustion, plus after my papers on thursday and friday I kept feeling nauseous. HAHA, I'm not lamenting and whining - I know very well I brought this on to myself. But I'm also writing it all out here so that when my future self backtracks these posts, she'll remember that money is not the root of all evil, but procrastination is.

So the lesson is, if you want something you have to work for it. Mediocrity is not enough, especially when excellence beckons.

Besides that, life's the same, I guess. I've been a little lost lately, sometimes for good reasons, sometimes for things that well.. I wish just wasn't. There are things I wanna say to some people I love, but I just don't know how. I know I shouldn't take it seriously, but it's beginning to get very frustrating. Ah, whatever.

So, one more paper before BT2 is officially apart of history. Literally. I can't wait for some sun. And for some bonding time with Firqin (I reallllllyyyy miss this one a lot! Like seriously haven't gotten to bond with her. haaha) and for Eclipse with Lukman (damnwhyhispapersendlaterthanmineeeee) and Lyana's 21st on the 17th (aaaaaaaahfreakout!<3) and well to keep studying and well, for these 5 months to pass with grace. And God. And happiness.

Here's to looking forward <3

Labels: Life as it happens, Reveries

back to top?