Volatile. This is truly a testament to what I am. I cannot fathom a sense of stability in my life, though undoubtedly, I do yearn for it. Le sigh. See, it's not that there isn't things in my life that I am happy of. I think it is just me - I am just ungrateful and incapable of being satisfied with what I hold in my hands right now. So much has happened, so much has changed. I am not the same person that I was this time last year. Last year, this girl was determined to prove to others that she hadn't made the wrong decision of retaining. This girl was more interested in creating a balance between having a life, and maintaining her grades. This girl knew what it meant to be consistent, to pay attention and to not give up. But I am not this girl anymore, and it scares me. As if, somewhere amidst all the drama, the whirlwind of emotions and whathaveyous, this girl got lost. And it scares me, because now more than ever do I need this girl to rise. It's not easy.

I just lost her, *poof* and she disappeared. Trying to have her rise again, it really is harder than anything else that I've done.

Status quo has changed, yet again. Though this time, I'm left with an emptiness inside me, if and when he isn't around. And as if I am purposely trying to make matters worst, I cannot help but want more - is it selfish of me to want more out of whatever we are now? I tell myself what we are is just perfect right now, but I wonder how long this illusion will last for. It shouldn't matter, and yet it does. It always does, no matter how much you tell yourself it doesn't, it does.

C'est La Vie.

One moment everything's seamlessly perfect, and the next you crumble.

Labels: Reveries

back to top?