I haven't been myself of late.

When I think about it, my mind blows on the whole "been myself" thing - I wonder what defines being myself? Is there a set way that I behave, so much so that anyway different becomes a perversion of nature? Or is it simply that whoever/however I am at that time is what makes me me, regardless of regularity or expectations. Sigh.

But yea, myself or not, I've been a lot more sad, angry, angsty and frustrated than I've ever been in the past months. It's annoying because when I stop thinking of sadness, whatnots, and I'm smiling, its mostly on the surface alone. A simple reminder of what made me unhappy suddenly sucks me back into a whirlpool of negativity.

Egad.

Really. To top it off, SAJC really pushes my angst and frustration to a limit. Stupid admin. I swear. Fruck.

I want to be light hearted, its much easier...

I want to forget.

I want to stop fretting.

I want to stop thinking about it.

I want to believe myself when I say I'm okay.

I want to remind myself that I do not like him anymore.

I want to tell myself the past is just that, past.

I want to remind myself the future still holds.

I want to forgive.



Made me cry my heart out.

Labels: Reveries, School

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