I think I ought to leave the past as past. It's gonna be 3 more months before I turn 19. Enough with the sadness, the ungratefulness, the negativity. Hello, new me. It's too much time wasted, time spent on ugly thoughts. I think to move forward, I have to realise that's precisely what I've got to do: move.

As a metaphor of fresh beginnings, I've already left my old skin (haha, how funny.) for this new one. Just so I don't forget how my past looks like...




Wow. Anyways.

I've been having a very hard time, internally. Emotionally and spiritually. I know what's wrong, at least spiritually, but I feel as if I'm forgetting God. I've become lazy, and forgetful, ungrateful. Questioning, and unhappy. Who am I to deny the Lord? Still, I forget. I forget that in I am just another person. Disposable. That I ought to reach out to Him, before He stops reaching out to me. Sigh. Life was never meant to be easy, I know that now. I know that I'll remember these days, these years, more than the rest, cos it was hard and it built my character, nonetheless.

I remember, whilst working at Borders, when it was New Year's Eve, Audrey asked how 2009 was and what our resolutions were for 2010. My answer?

2009 was awesome. But it was not without its ups and downs. I learnt a lot from 2009. 2010? I want it to be a year where I learn more, and live more. To grow and be a better person than I was last year.

February review? 2010 has started off with one helluva rollercoaster ride. So many ups, and far more downs. Imagine, with the start being this way, then how would the rest of the year be? I am hopeful, still. That He looks after me, and that soon enough I'll find my way back to happiness.

Screw love, happiness is the new high.

Oh and..
With FIrqin over at my house, we had the WILDEST night on Saturday. W-I-L-D-E-S-T.EVER. Hahahahahahha. Yes. We went to the Esso near my house, bought the crazy-est snacks (YAN-YAN+COLLON=CHILDHOOD) and walked back home for a movie -Divine Secrets of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood. WILDCHILD. Hahahahahahahahahah. Sorry, a joke between the two of us. Lol. Friday night was less wild, compared to our movie night. Not. But whatever. That movie, well it strikes me in so many ways. Will I ever be able to mend my relationship with my mother? Will I have friends that will have my back, all the way till the hairs on my head go white? Questions unanswered. But still, it was a lovely movie. About life, and family.

My mid february will be awesome, and so will the rest of my 2010. (:

Labels: Reveries

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