I see a future.

For once I see a future. My future.

Today was the first day of school. First day of drama, of hope, of friends, of AWESOMENESS! Really. I know, part of me was scared of the future to be - I mean there's so much that I have to do, and time is just constantly moving. Yet I have high hopes; I have hopes that this year, though hard and possibly unbearable, will be a good year. I have hopes that I'll enjoy what I learn, and love what I do, and hopefully, come out on top. I'm really so very happy of my first day. It truly is great - I guess it's that buzzing energy that fills me from within. The, "i have the world at my fingertips" feeling.

You may say that I'm just setting myself out for disappointment; that tomorrow will be different, and then what? But I'm ready for it. I'm empowered. I'm ready to have a good time, and well, counting my lucky stars. For there are so many. From the fact that I'm not in a war-torn country, the fact that I'm not oppressed, the fact that I'm able to receive an education. So many things.

I am happy, I am blessed. I am grateful. There will come a day when I feel like crap, but for now, my soul's in a right place.

As for the matters of the heart..

I know, I said this months before. I've told myself a 1000 times. But this time, I think I really have to. It's really a great feeling when thoughts of him come into my head. It's a great feeling when I feel so special, like he's shared a part of himself with me, that he's not shared with any other. But I can't go on thinking about him any longer ~ I have a future, and for now, he's most likely not in it; I just have to learn to accept it. It's going to be hard. Real hard. Really, really hard. But I can do it. The first step to obliterate him from my heart, mind and soul is to not put myself in the vulnerable position I usually do. I honestly feel so happy that I felt the way I did for him, that I was able to feel so strongly for someone, the way I did. But it's enough. It's time I get real. So the first step, is to stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

there was an opening, but the door's shut now.

And I'm ready, to continue this buzzing happiness I feel.

Labels: Reveries, School

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