There was a time when I wasn't a pain or a nag. There was a time that I was nice, understanding, filial; of course once in a while there are those bad days filled with shouts/pouts/tears. I'd like to think I wasn't always like this, and I'm very sure I wasn't. I treated them once with respect and dignity. Unlike now. I know I'm rude. I know it. It's not like I don't realize that the way I talk to my parents is not the way you talk to your parents. Sigh. This issue turns me to a hypocrite. Like how I may be appalled at other people when they are rude to their parents, but I ought to look into the mirror myself.

But.

Something changed in us in the last years that changed everything; how I treat them included. No excuse, I know. But it's not easy anymore. Really. I know I'd never let my kid talk to me the way I talk to my parents. Irony, eh? But I'd never do to my child what's been done to me either lah. That's what I say now. Sigh. Sometimes it stings, like the stinging pain when someone goes "eh you can talk like that to your mom/dad ah?!" - cos when you know its wrong, when you know that there was a time when the way you spoke to them was different, when you know that you changed, you feel so dreadfully ashamed.

I'm not emo, I'm just reflecting. You know, fasting month does this to me - not just counting my blessings, but counting all the bad things I've done. You might not believe it, but I really was different. Once, a long time ago. At least it feels like a long time ago.

Maybe I'll change. I hope. But maybe I won't. Sigh.

Labels: Family, Reveries

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