my try at normalcy

You know, it just occurred to me that the font on my blog is freaking TINY. Sirius seh. Haha, like the many words that stick to my head, "sirius" is one of them. I can't help it, but well, I know it'll stop in about...a week or less. (:

Anyhow.. life's been really up-and-down-y. But well, as the Kaiser Chiefs say, "stick and stones and animal bones....there's good days, and bad days". I don't know, life's been..interesting.

It's hard sometimes, you know. I know nobody said that it was going to be easy, but well, I can't help but wish it was just a little kinder. Hmph. That's just how life is, eh? Something I never thought I'd go through now of ALL times, would be the whole finding my self thing. I mean, sometimes, I'm unsure of myself, my identity, my being altogether. I know its totally egocentric, but sometimes, I feel like people are watching me, and waiting to see my next step. Do i fall and fail? Or rise and succeed? I don't mean literally watch, but you know, that irky feeling. After 17 years in this world, you'd think I've already found my sense of self, and identity. You'd think I wouldn't be disturbed by what others think of me, and would've thought I've grown up. Sometimes, I feel far far far from it. Amazing, huh?

Of the many things I don't know, I do know somethings. I'm so not cool, and I'm kinda okay with that. Its not like I'm running around to the latest parties, drinking my butt off and all, and really, I'm perfectly fine with that. I'm really a noob/geeky loser. Heh. And sometimes... I'm happy being that way (: But well, in the heat of moments, I do wanna let loose and have fun. So.. I guess that's what drives me to the wall of confusion. I think cos I'm a bit too.. fun-loving. I really love a good time, no matter what that means. It could mean reading a book with a cup of milo, or going out watching movies, or going to the beach or chitchatting at bus-stops till late night, or playing magic8 ball on Iphone, or walking around town, or picnics at botanic gardens. Whatever it means, I really really, really love it. Which is bad. Bad cos sometimes, I forget my limits.

Haix. Must remember to study too eh. I haven't been studying hard. Arh. Makes me unhappy to think that. Really jan, isn't it enough you're back at square one?

Hee. On that note, don't worry, I'm just apprehensive. Not depressed or anything (:

Wah piang. So much to do. A geepee essay that was due a week ago. A speech for PESA. More Soviet Union to study. More Southeast Asia to study. An act to analyse. A height to wuther. A binomial distribution tutorial to complete. And not to mention, to memorise my lines to precision. Precisely.

Oh well, at least I'm in school, I'm fed and clothed, I'm fortunate and very much alive. Thank God.

Which reminds me, I've been very very distant from God recently. I guess that's what causes the tonnes of questions etc. Note to self: pray, and always remember to turn to God.


Ciao!

P/S: SAJC Dance got Gold. YAYZERS (: back to top?