I've gotta stop my mind, working overtime

HAHAH okay we all know, ironically, my title does NOT speak the truth at all. Hahahaha (:



Anyways, today has been a pretty good day..Quite! We had like econs (okay, not so great lah, this part) and we were all going gaga. Ms hon said our gpp has improved (heh. kembang lah gue) so thats gotta be a god thing. I mean the gpp. it stands for gomething pomething pomething... but we all know it really stands for, Great Puke P-Inducer. Okay, maybe not really. Who cares. anyways, so well, yeah. 12 days to effing CTS.

cts= common tests= work= bad= death.

whatever it is, it cannot possibly be a good thing! >.<

Oh shit, my itunes just went all emo, lovey dovey on me. I'm not in the mood for lovey-dovey emo-ey. [TELL HIM] by [CELINE&BARB]. OKOK, so now its jack johnson-ing. Which is good. Appreciate delishious music!

So after econs and stuff, went to meet kwoi, and we went to macs, camwhored a bit with my macbook camera, and like went to her place after that. IT WAS FUN. AND FUNNY. GOSH, i crack myself up XD lol, and oh shit, had that chocolate cake. which was BAD, but good. haix.

i bet like when god decided to make things for man, he was like.... i'm gonna make sugar BAD. salt BAD. everything else that's tasteless, GOOD!



ANYWAYS, so the oh great kwoi introduced me to things channel on youtube. so i've been kevving around. rofl (:

i wanna just make a videos on youtube! with kwoi! (:

yayness.


I have a short story to tell.

OH shit sia, i feel like the most horrid person on earth.








After dinner, i went to my room and saw a paper bag, one of those cheesy-bought-from-cards&such kind of paper bag (which i like, don't get me wrong) and i realised it was from my mother. It was a belated birthday present. I was super the shocked. I mean i didn't ask for anything this year... well not exactly - i didn't bother to..bother? yeah. so inside was a card, a cheesy but very cute stuffed toy, an ESPRIT umbrella (something that i've always wanted to get for myself but kept backing out $20 for an umbrella? feel my money burn in my wallet before i even touch my wallet! ) something wrapped, and a birthday card.


I was practically crying, mainly from the thing she wrote inside the card - the usual; wish you prosperity blablbla, but in malay. But its the "sayang hingga akhirat", it just got me (love you till the end of time). I think its cos like i could feel her words speak to me.

You gotta know, me and my mother, we fight, A LOT. We talk a lot, we laugh a lot, but though the other parts are good, we're also always breaking into these big fights. In my head, she's the stubbornest person that i've eveeeeeeeeeeer met, but then in her head, she must be thinking the same thing. We're constantly debating, arguing, shouting, etc. I mean, i'm not always rude, i try my best, i mean i won't say anything like horrid " like i hate you, you suck.. blablablab" i mean, my mother was brought up in the era of corporal punishment you kidding me? so yeah, we're always arguing about something, and really, i get so frustrated. I've cursed and swore the worstestest things under my breath and all, its bad lah. Get the picture? Yeah.

But the weird thing is, no matter how much i say, "i can't wait to move out blablabla" i know deep down. i love her so much. And like for all the bad things i've said, thought of, reading the birthday card, and just remembering that deep down, sincerely, she loves me so much, it aches. Deep down, i just love her, and i hope she knows that. Its so easy to just assume that she does thiings just cos she wants it to be done a certain way.

Sometimes it really does seem so.


She just wants the best for me; it may not be what i want, but she means well. And i know, i take her for granted. Don't appreciate her, as much as i should. For that, i'm truly sorry. I'm so afraid i'll lose her, and i'll regret it for the rest of my life.

Cos you deserve the world.

i get angry sometimes, but i'm growing up. Someday, somehow, we'll put all this behind us.

No matter what has happened, is happening, will happen, i'll love you till the end of time (:





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