This is not a sad post or anything.. More of a dedication post? Lol. Here goes..

We used to tell each other everything; skyping everynight. Laughing our asses off the funniest things.. Greek Gods, don't think I forgot! I found it so swell when you found God in your own way, and when you laughed at me when I do the stupidest things. Or how bout the time you slept whilst... hahah (okay, secret). Fish, Koi, Oinkel, Angel - whatever the name, it won't matter, you're still my onkay, my kwoi. I'll never forget how scared I was when you first approached me - I was worried that we wouldn't hit it off; WHAT AN IRRATIONAL FEAR AH? And all the hot guys we used to drool over. Or the problems you shared and I shared that brought us closer as friends. You're my first closest friend in SA, the fish I could always rely on. Always honest with me, always truthful. All the times we spent fangirling - Jap shows, Korean shows, Taiwanese shows, you name it, we've watched it. The sleepover I had, and you waking up with me in the wee hours of the morning just so that you can accompany me eat cos I had to fast the next day. The emo thursdays, the random tears. The TBLTH jokes, the EVERYTHING. Coming to my choir concerts, me going to your bowling games. And the camwhoring sessions at my house, or at school with my macbook. The drama, the laughter, the tears. Oh onkay, I miss you so much. Sometimes I wish I didn't retain, cos the only consequence that I cry over about retaining is how far apart we are now. You were there when I went through my toughest time last year, and you cried for me, with me. I couldn't ask for anyone else, but you. I'll never forget you(:

But I know time's changed and I just wanna say that I'm happy you've found new friends. I'm happy that you've got this rock-solid support system. I'm happy for you. I want you to know this. I don't know if it matters to you, but these are things I just can't say to your face without crying. I want you to know that YOU can do this, really. It seems so hard, I can tell - from the stressed out face you have, from the tired looks, from the tears you shed when you think no one's looking. Oh dearie dear, I wish I could be there for you, and feel how you feel. But know this, even when there seems to be no kanaino cheong chio bu LIGHT appearing at the end of the tunnel, you'll make it through. You're you, dear, and YOU should know that all the hard work you put in WILL pay off. Promise. If not, we can go jump off the flyer together okay? Lolsers. For all those times I forgot to ask you how YOU were, I'm sorry. For all those days I forgot that you were having a hard day. If I put any unnecessary stress on you, I'm sorry. I never meant to make you hurt, so if I did, I'm sorry. If I forgot about you, when I had the time to hang out with you but didn't, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you don't feel good enough or smart enough, or just enough. But know this, it will get better, cos you are more than enough - more than anything a friend could ask for. I'm sorry if I wasn't a good friend.My biggest regret in retaining, was losing you.

You're 18 at midnight, and I thought you should know that there's at least one person out here that loves you unconditionally, and will always be there for you, just in case you forgot. There ain't nothing that can replace what we had and have as friends. I hope we'll still be friends, forever. Bucketloads of love, janjan. back to top?