What happened to me? I promised myself in 2007 that I would NOT ever have this problem ever again, but there I go and lose myself. What's more, I really lost myself. Me. What happened to that lame-ass bitch that used to write nice deep posts that the most random of people used to enjoy? Why?

Just a bunch of questions I enjoyed wrapping myself in the past..3 hours? But I guess, I'm kind of over it. At least I've decided to stop thinking about it. Its unhealthy. I stop hanging around people who only exude negative energy only to fall for one that manifests my own energy. An ocean and a rock. But if I die tomorrow, I'd would have liked to tell him this:

I don't know why, I really don't, I fell for you. I swear, it was a force of nature - my rational side would have killed myself if it met me now. You're so wrong, but so right. It's pathetic, I know. You swept me off my feet a really long time ago, I've been hooked ever since. I like how you make me laugh. How you say the weirdest, randomest things. I like how you smile when you laugh, and how your eyes laugh with you. I love how you're clueless and dense and vulnerable at the same time. I love how you use your hands to run through your hair and this face you do when you do it. I love how you're actually nice, underneath it all. I love how comfortable you are with me, how we can talk about everything and anything. I love how I feel when I think about you - be it when I'm talking to you, or in the train, or during the dullest of lectures sometimes - how I giggle and smile, just thinking about you. A fire running through my soul. I really think, I might've loved you.




Sometimes I think people might think I'm boy crazy - y'know, girls' school, etc. Well, I was talking to Zaris about it, and we've decided that I don't have an actual type. My type is: boy. Haha. Oh well. I'm not, really boy crazy that is. I might look it, exude it, or whatever it, but I'm not it. Sure, I may think more than ONE guy hot at any given time, but I'm a one-man-woman. And when I fall, I fall hard. That one person will consume my mind, heart and soul. I think it's cos of my imagination. I truly have a vivid imagination (and memory) and I somehow think too much. The one flaw I was born with was the depth of thought. That one thing has therefore shot through creating a 1001 different problems for myself. And you look at everything and ask yourself, WHAT HAPPENED? But that's just it - Life happened. No matter how you stop it, no matter what you do, LIFE happens. Heartaches, heartbreaks, tears, joy, laughter, love - its all in life. It's in God's greatest plan for us all, no? Why would I bother, trying so hard to make something that isn't SOMETHING?

Every girl I know goes through this stage in life. (not every boy i know goes through this, fyi) And I just wanna say, hold on, stay strong, prioritize.

Love hurts, aye? But that's what makes it so beautiful. If it was just so perfect it wouldn't be real. Besides, all these heartaches we feel now, would allow us to recognize TRUE love - cos though love isn't perfect, surely it won't hurt you as much as I hurt now.

"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." -Mac MacGuff, Juno

One day, I'll tell this all to your face. But now, I think, it's time I stop kidding myself, and move on, and find that person who thinks the sun shines out my ass. back to top?