I can't help myself. I just feel like blogging a bit

You know that nostalgic feeling you get when you think about the good times, or bite into that good ole' soup your mom used to make for you when you're little? I have just been hit by a KICKASS wave of nostalgia.

Okay, ask me on a bad day, and I'll prolly tell you that generally, the past few years of my life is also the worst few years of my life, secondary school and all. But then when you ask me on a day when I'm thinking more maturely, the past few years really wasn't all that bad. (a voice in my head begs to differ, but I shall still carry on!) Honestly, HONESTLY, I know I wasn't the BESTESTEST person during my teen years - but i certainly wasn't the worst, for sure. I mean, I was a LOT noisier than now (seriously guys, my noise level's dropped mucho since my secondary school days) and well, I was just a kid or to an extent everyone else around me was still behaving like little kids EITHERWAY, I would say that secondary school was definitely an experience of tremendous learning, and though there are many things I'd do different, I don't think I'll change it. I don't know - there was kinda a lot of growing pains for me, and well, many people who knew which switch would turn on all my insecurities, so well. Not always pleasant, but necessary, I guess.

Okay, all this ramblemumblemisunderstandable things about secondary school - well, actually it really really really wasn't all that horrid (though I'm sure I've got certain things that I'll never forget and not at all for the good bits) I think I've learned a lot and gained a hell load of good friends that'll last me a lifetime. Well, a bucket loads luh - Zenners, Kings, Adel, Fadilah & Fadilah, many other malay people, Safiah - so much love from one place in my heart. Cedar.

Aiye. Honestly, I've been told countless of times that I manage to surprise people - like Cheryl (from SA) for example - whereby knowing ME is a hell lot different from what they thought it would be. I'm just afraid people who never really knew me, will only remember me as a loud/outspoken/boisterous type that is a fleeting memory of their past. But then I must also remember, all the other people I don't really really know are also just that - fleeting momentos of my past. It's like what goes around, comes around, and that we're all really just the same. What's the biggie about wanting to be special, Jans? Cos if everyone's special then no one really is, right?

Lol, just a bunch of thoughts running through my head. Its funny, as it is for everyone, all my thoughts go through a filter - a giant filter actually and the actual things that get posted on this blog are not even half of the things that really run through my head. Their all just scudding clouds, you know. Things that are totally evanescent - what I do in my day, what movies I've watched. Who really cares? heh.

Even if no one bloddy cares, I know a warm fuzzy feeling will run through my body when I look through those archives and read these posts, and the little clues I leave myself in the post that lead up to the bigger thoughts and secrets that are actually running through my head.


scudding clouds. back to top?