My end of February till now, is filled with just one hell of a emotional roller-coaster. Its not even a joke. For one, we finally talked about it. Some part of me wonders why he took so long to talk about it, what might've been, what would've happened if we didn't talk about it. There were tears, lots of it. There was also longing. It was horrible. I couldn't have been more displaced and confused. I partly still am, confused. Am I lying to myself, by ignoring the obvious? Am I just being stupid? He's managed to put me in this place where I can't tell what's real or right anymore. I mean, I know I am still driven by my emotions, and that there's a possibility that I am just hearing what I want to hear. The weekend, was bad. It was fresh and raw, and I just couldn't see what he couldn't see. Is there a need to explain? I like you, period. The thing is, unlike anyone I've ever liked, I cannot just stop talking to this one. I can't bring myself to not smile and laugh, and I can't bring myself to stopping it all. I cannot. Not in a million years. Given these circumstances. It's not something that I can switch off. Amazingly, when we went out on Wednesday, I couldn't feel anymore..at home, at peace. An amazing surge of energy passed through me. I just couldn't have felt better. It was good. The only way I could possibly explain it is that we're happy that the other person is holding the other person's hand. It's hard to explain. I'm happy with how things are - it's imperfect, I do not doubt that. But I do know that it kinda doesn't get any better than this. At the same time, I do feel somewhat unhappy. Unsure. Once again, uncertainty remains. I can't help but think.. where do we go from here? Are we, or aren't we? And as if the Gods needed a good laugh, he has to go away. For what seems to me like forever. Not really, but long enough. I can't even imagine how I'll survive the next 2 weeks. Seriously. Seriously?! Talk about good timing. Sheesh. So yeah, I'm sad now. And still confused. But happy. Cos at least for 5 hours today, I got to see him and his smile.

Labels: Reveries

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