Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009 @ 20:08 close hiatus: I give up trying to make everything serene and to make everything work. I am truly sick and tired of feeling like that all the time, no thanks to you. I give up trying to keep up with my past, and juggle it with my future. Its really exhausting trying to juggle the two. If you don't make the effort, why should I? I hate it that I have to juggle. There's a reason I'm not from Cirque du Soleil you know - I hate juggling and I ain't no juggler. I give up trying to make you happy. All I'll end up doing is make myself miserable, trying to please everyone but myself. If you don't care, then I won't anymore, about you that is. You give up, thats you're problem - what you think of me no longer affects me. I'm not gonna care anymore, it'll only make me angrier and angrier. I'm gonna do what I think is best, and make myself happy. And do well doing it. ~~Fuck~~ you, everything, everyone. If you're gonna make it this way, then let it be. I'LL BE BACK WHEN TERM ONE STARTS! : open hiatus back to top?
Saturday, January 17, 2009 @ 07:51 If you haven't seen this.. One of the only things that has managed to brighten my days recently. No i figure its the only thing that managed to boost me up. If you're feeling down, sad, depressed, out-of-sorts, or simply feel like giving up - watch this vid, really. I'm going on a Hiatus. Before I go, I'll just say somethings.. Its sad that I'm leaving choir, but my parents, and well whole family in fact are insistent that I shouldn't be in choir anymore, and actually, I don't wanna fight it. I'm happy they care about me, I'm happy not to fight, and I'm happy enough to do what's best for me. Just like retaining, I know this is what is best for me. Though its not a 100% about using up a lot of time - in all actuality, a lot of it has to do with the fact that being in choir, singing all those church/christian/sacred music really leaves me uncomfortable - though i may not look it. I mean I try my best to be professional, and I try to shove my insecurities about it under the rug during choir, but many a times, I come home and think, ' Oh gosh, is it right?'. Cos honestly I feel its really wrong. I mean if they sing, like how my secondary school choir was, songs that were not sacred, then I jolly well better plant myself in the choir room and never come out. But they don't, and well, its a mission school so go figure. I wonder if people will understand. I'll really miss them all. Theresa, Alexis, Cheryl, Chiteng, Shingyee, Jasmine, Shelley, Hui hui, Hilary, James, Weiliang, Andy, Weileong, Szecin, Tim, Ryan, Paul, ZhengZi If you wanna know what retaining is like, well - it has its bitter moments and its lovely moments. I'm really hoping to love all my subjects that I've taken. Sure, i've got a romantic idea of what my subjects, especially the new ones would be like, but really, I'm just glad that I did it. Glad that I took on something that I know I have passion for. Not something I thought would be great, just cos of what my siblings/parents/friends etc say. Months from now, when the exams start and I'm feeling low, I'll look back to this and see where I came from, and make sure I don't lose my sense of self. Its not all lovely - unlike most JCs, retainees in SA has this thing called the "HEADSTART PROGRAMME". For the subjects you're weak in, then well, its more that important that we have this programme. But for those that you are quite strong in, its a little depressing cos we lessons are mundane, and well when the J1s come it its like REWIND AND REPEAT! Aish. Its all for the better good of A levels. With an extra year under my sleeve, I hope to really score well for A's. I've set my goals and well, I just hope I ACE IT! :D And now I know that the J1 year is really important - filled with opportunities that I hope do make use of. Gosh, exciting. For the first time in a long while, I'm starting to believe in myself again. At the same time, I've found a group of friends, amongst the retainees. I mean there's still a lot to say, and a lot that I don't know about them, but still, we're on the right track, and hopefully we'll just be great friends and well help each other out! MRC! HAHAHA. Still, its kind of weird not seeing my other friends, those that I've really gotten to love. And its different now, for sure. I mean things are definitely not the same. They've moved on, and to be fair, its only inevitable and at the same time, I want the best for them. I want them to do well. Good luck friends. FOR MSAs too. A lot of things have begun to change, since 2009 began. It'll just continue that way, ya? Hiatus, hiatus Love, Jannah back to top?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009 @ 22:02 I broke into sobs of all sorts when I found out yesterday. I cried and cried. I know no one understands it, they really don't. I mean I sometimes think its stupid I'm crying so much - I can't help it, I really can't. Everytime I think about him, a tear escapes the corner of my eye-the one tear foretelling the flood to come. All I think about is all those times, the good the bad, the ones I hadn't treasured. I am lost. I really don't know what to do now. Its like everything is on pause, and there's no direction from here. Why you? You didn't deserve it. You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there Oh boy. The worst part - I never even got the chance to say goodbye. back to top?
Tuesday, January 13, 2009 @ 18:18 School's started... So well, school's already begun, and somehow its really really really weird. Not that due to reasons that are totally not understandable, though. I mean of course, no longer being with 08S26, it makes sense that there's a huge difference in my schooling life. Its almost, empty - there's a sort of hollow feeling of not belonging anywhere. But of all things, everything feels like a TIME WARP If you don't know what a time warp is, its like being stuck in time - like you're not moving on, just STUCK. I guess its cause everything's so similar. BUT i must say, the only thing that gets me really awfully excited would be the fact that I'm now taking HISTORY, and well, that alone is a fresh new challenge. God knows what it has instore for me. But I'm really excited. I went to the library to borrow some books too ((: I hope things change for the better this year. Then, its all up to me right? love! back to top?
Sunday, January 11, 2009 @ 23:06 OMG. school starts tomorrow. GOOD LUCK EVERYONE. And for the sec fours collecting their results, ALL the very best ((: hahaha, COME SA. :D back to top?
Saturday, January 10, 2009 @ 14:53 IF YOU'RE A MALAY STUDENT/MOTHER-TONGUE MALAY IN SAJC, pay attention ((: "Hey everyone, Firstly i'd like to wish a Happy New Year to you all. As you all probably know, every year during the Chinese New Year celebrations each performing arts CCA will put up a performance. So we from the MCS would like to invite you guys to join us in staging a 10-15 min item during this year's CNY celeb. There'll be training 2-3 times a week for about 3 weeks leading up to the celebrations (slated to be on Friday 23 Jan 09, MSAs on 16-19 Jan). We really look forward to your support, and besides, it's very rare to get the opportunity to perform in the CC in front of the whole school. So please reply asap to this email by this weekend to confirm your participation. Details of the trainings etc will be sent to you at a later date. And please do spread the word to the other malays in our school. Thanks! Regards Faizzin" This came in an email from Faizzin, and since I don't have that many emails, I thought using this medium of communication would be great (((: MOVING ON. So well, the past few days have been pretty filled up and well hectic in the sense WENT choir BBQ, went CNY clothes shopping with CHERYL+HILS+THERESA/hils (separate days), had a movie thing with my mom, going to school for choir, and dinner with the CLIQUE-y, and a MINI-class outing (i mean, mini. as in miiiiiiniiiiii). Its like one of those have-to-jam-pack-all-the-fun-I-can-get-before-school-starts-and-I-turn-into-a-typically-singaporean-student-android. Hahaha. Today's choir prac was okay. PT was fun too :D But like mr tay scolded me for not being responsible for by voice cos I didn't sleep much, so that wasn't exactly sunshine, but he's right luh. HAIX. We attempted the new piece - zomg. If you really want people to die at your funeral and be all depressed and emo, then this is perhaps the best song for it. Hahaha, no luh, its okay nice, but cos we've JUST taken a look at it, we can't deliver the song to its worth. WE WILL SOON. :D So anyhow, some pictures ((: I really hate it when people don't trust me enough to make my own decisions, and i hate it even more when you question me, AS though i haven't even thought about it before, as though you think i just RANDOMLY decide things and make decisions on a whim. I hate it most when you try to control me, get over yourself. And i hate it most when you make me feel like you owe me a living. But most of all, i hate it when you go behind my back and don't give me even an ounce of respect. So i ask myself sometimes, why do i even have to respect you? back to top?
Thursday, January 08, 2009 @ 01:17 Listen to the new song! I put up a new song on my blog - its so lovely; Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat . And I hope you pay attention to the video - I swear to you I almost screamed when I realised that I recognised the buildings in the video - heh, his parts of the video were shot in Prague choir peeps - LOOK out for the St nick's church, and the other buildings in the old town square - think christmas markets! :D hahahaha, i just totally died of a whole flood of memories!!! YAYNESSSSSSSS!. HEH. Love the song, its so, gosh. I'm spirited by love, if you didn't notice. Well recent entries seems to prove so. ((: I'm just in a happy place now. And, watching YES MAN was a fabulous idea (: sighs i hope most days in the big OH-nine will be like this. love! back to top?
Wednesday, January 07, 2009 @ 06:53 I love this song I just love this song, and i really love the video. Its so sweet - very, "Wake me up when september ends". Eitherway, its so sweet. One of those i-hope-someone-sings-this-to-me type of song. Sigh. My days since the big coming of the 2009 have not been that big deal luh. But well i'm so happy I've already bought CHINESE NEW YEAR CLOTHES! Yayness. there's choir today!!!! omg hope i wake up. Its like 7am now, and I haven't slept a wink. Thanks to SOME people. :D cheers! back to top?
Friday, January 02, 2009 @ 22:09 I've had this song in my mind for almost a month now, so i thought i'd share it, cos its just beautiful Like a star - Corinne Bailey Rae back to top?