Life's so short and depressing, you realise that your problems cannot compare with others.

This few days have been a huge huge blur. My days went from being routined and almost mundane to a sudden blur of traveling back and forth to Malaysia. These few days have made me realize that Blood is thicker than water, no matter what anyone says, My family alone can hoard any place, anytime, anywhere, Dengue is nothing but something to take seriously.

As she sits on the hospital bed, totally unconscious in that ICU ward, you wonder what's happening in her head. Does she hears our voices? Does she feel our touch? Does she feel the pain that is almost inevitable? I don't know, and no one ever will, really. All the time she's in the hospital bed, I don't know how to act. Its not that I lack any understanding of the situation, or I lack sympathy or compassion of any sort. I just don't know how to act. At one time in my life I was pretty close to my malaysian family, very much so. But like these recent years, everything's cut up; me not being able to stay long during Hari Raya, everyone living further apart from each other and stuff, making the distance between us all grow wider and wider. I don't know where to place myself, and I feel so helpless. One of those times you know nothing you do or say will help the situation be any better, any less painful. I feel so helpless, and so sad, and so so so despaired for my family, my heart goes all out to them all. I feel so depressed and lost having to come home, wishing that I could stay longer and maybe help out longer, and well, just be there for each other, you know. Oh so, helpless. I wish I could be there with you guys, instead of having to come back home. At the same time, I keep on replaying in my mind, whatever little but precious memories we have had. Was i nice to her? Did i entertain her? Did i love her enough? Does she know i love her? (Boo.) Still, nothing can compare to the pain and despair that my aunt, uncle and other cousins feel. Its just not comparable.

I just hope whatever happens, happens for the best. With God's will, everything will work our, even if we may not want it to.

God, give us strength, and patience. Grant Syairah the will to get better, if not ease her pain and suffering in the process of returning to rahmatMu. back to top?